On the Record

By Claudia Wallis

Eric Heiden, 22, does not mince words about his pet peeves. "I hate New York," says the Wisconsin-born Olympic speed skater. "If you don't walk ten miles an hour there, you're run over." Same goes for Manhattan's Central Park: "In Madison, it would be condemned." Nor is the winner of five gold medals fond of being a celebrity: "If I wanted to become famous, I would have stuck to hockey." As for all the commercial offers he rejects: "I don't want to have to go places to keep appointments." But one appointment kept by the University of California junior--now a competitive cyclist--was a dinner date last week in Indianapolis. There he became the first speed skater to receive the James E. Sullivan Award, given annually to the nation's top amateur athlete. His performance on the occasion was vintage Heiden. "I don't like to make speeches," he politely informed the crowd, finishing his acceptance remarks in less than a minute--perhaps yet another world record.

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While the First Lady furtively planned a dinner dance --standard Reagan black tie, 100 guests, a tab running well into five figures--a few enterprising White House staffers devised a surprise of their own for the President's 70th birthday. They sprang it in the Oval Office, just as Reagan was about to receive a bipartisan group of Congressmen. House Speaker Tip O'Neill, Senator Paul Laxalt and Representatives Jim Wright and Robert Michel suddenly found themselves making their entrance with Nancy Reagan and a giant cake standing 8 ft. tall on its platform. "I'd like to light it," said Nancy, "but I can't reach the candle." Without stopping to think, Texan Wright leaned over and gave her a lift. When the President arrived, to strains of Happy Birthday to You in rare congressional harmony, he had to be dissuaded from blowing out the candle jump-shot style. Said Reagan: "I bet I could do it from here without touching the cake."

Moral Majority Leader Jerry Falwell notes with righteous pride that among the very first texts ever to come off a printing press was the Holy Bible. Sometimes he must wish the whole process had stopped right there. Falwell learned two weeks ago that interviews he had granted to two freelance writers were about to be published in the March issue of the girlie magazine Penthouse. Aghast at being tucked between the same covers as those unclad Jezebels, Falwell tried to block distribution of the magazine last week with a court injunction. When that failed, he filed a $10 million lawsuit. Penthouse Publisher Bob Guccione was unfazed. As Falwell desperately tried to soothe his flock, his sometime nemesis Guccione was gleefully predicting that the March issue would sell 500,000 extra copies. Said he: "We couldn't afford a promotion genius like Falwell."

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"Politics needs a woman's point of view," says Gro Harlem Brundtland, 41, former Environment Minister of Norway. The Labor Party agreed. Last week it installed Brundtland as her country's first female--and youngest--Prime Minister, following the resignation of the increasingly unpopular Odvar Nordli, 53. A physician with a Harvard master's degree in public health, Brundtland thus became the third member of that highly exclusive club--women heads of government (along with Margaret Thatcher and Indira Gandhi). Nicknamed "the green goddess" for her impassioned protection of the Norwegian woods, Brundtland favors backing NATO strongly and stationing U.S. military equipment in Norway. But some Norwegians are more impressed with her talent for building political coalitions.

Said one Oslo resident, noting that Brundtland is married to a prominent member of the opposition Conservative Party: "If she can share a double bed with him all these years, getting on with the Conservatives in the Storting [parliament] shouldn't be too hard."

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"It's the best part I've had in a couple of years. And those two knockouts had a lot to do with it." You might say Actor Peter Falk, 53, is red hot about his two co-stars in ... All the Marbles, a movie due out next summer. In it, Falk plays the fast-talking manager of two gorgeous lady wrestlers (Newcomers Vicki Frederick, 28, and Laurene Landon, 23). Not bad for a guy whose Columbo series is down for the count.

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"I have always considered myself a Jew. I was born Jewish and will remain so even if that is unacceptable to some." Strange words, coming from the man who is now one of the highest-ranking officials of the Catholic Church in France. Indeed, the Pope's choice for Archbishop of Paris, Jean-Marie Lustiger, 54, French-born son of Polish-Jewish Holocaust victims (his mother died at Auschwitz), created quite a stir when announced last week. Lustiger's credentials are, however, impeccably orthodox. Though he wore a Star of David throughout the Nazi occupation of France, Lustiger turned to Catholicism as a very young child, formally converting and changing his first name (from Aaron) at age 14. He studied theology at the Sorbonne, served as a university chaplain, and has been Bishop of Orleans since 1979. In fact, it was not Lustiger's religious background that raised a few eyebrows at the Vatican; it was his Polish origins. Groused one Curia member: "Is the Pope going to pack the episcopate with Poles?"

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For Actor Rod Steiger, 55, going from the Hasidic rabbi in The Chosen to Benito Mussolini in Lion of the Desert demanded a few changes. First, the Yiddish inflection was traded for an Italian accent. No problem there, since Steiger had played Pope John XXIII in And There Came a Man (1968) and, for that matter, the title role in Mussolini, the Last Act (1974). Next, the full, rabbinical beard had to go. Finally, Steiger's impressively shaggy head had to be shaved. But how closely? Over this hairy point, a heated argument arose between Steiger's makeup man and Producer-Director Moustapha Akkad. Luigi Galbani, 63, the barber at Rome's Excelsior Hotel, intervened. "II Duce," he declared, "was completely bald." That settled it. No one could doubt the word of a man who once wielded the razors at Mussolini's Ministry of the Interior. Said Galbani: "I shaved him several times -- both his face and head ."

--By Claudia Wallis

Lane Kirkland, 58, AFL-CIO president, on the plethora of Democratic presidential hopefuls: "I can count about twelve people who are showing signs of delusions of adequacy."

Franc,oise Gilot, 59, painter who was once Pablo Picasso's mistress, on the difference between Picasso and Henri Matisse: "Matisse was as great as his art. That was not the case with Picasso. If you had to be around him much, you suffered."

Armand Hammer, 82, millionaire businessman, on Marlon Brando's portrayal of a Hammer-like character in the movie The Formula: "If Brando gets $250,000 per day, I'd be glad to play the part myself. Or any part, for that matter."

Marie Osmond, 21, pop singer, on her own virginity: "People dwell so much on why Marie won't go to bed with somebody, and they think I'm a little weird because I haven't yet. Like I'm missing a big thing."

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