Britain's Guns of August

Grouse darting on the wing and sizzling on the platter If you could throw a net over the Highlands in August," wrote English Commentator Horace Cox in 1872, "you could catch nine-tenths of the genius and glory of Great Britain." The reason for this grandiose concentration in Scotland is the wily, toothsome red grouse, Lagopus scoticus, which exists only in the wild state and only in the United Kingdom (particularly on the heathery moors of the north). The grouse season opens on the "Glorious Twelfth" of August and lasts until Dec. 10. For marksmen, or "guns," as well as for gourmets, it is like a prolonged Thanksgiving.

The dun, darting birds (they fly at 60 m.p.h. or more) attract sportsmen from all over the world. Ounce for ounce, they are probably the most expensive and evasive targets on earth. To lease a house and a moor, to hire Land Rovers, retrievers, gamekeepers, beaters and expert loaders who keep the guns charged, can cost about $25,000 a week. Even a week's stay at a modest inn costs more than $4,000. Then there is the required costume: "plus twos" (knickerbockers), heavy woolen socks, cleated gum boots, a Husky weatherproofed coat and a snug tweed cap. The sportsman also needs evening clothes and funds for the native libation. And the gun must have his guns, preferably a pair of 12-gauge double-barreled sidelock ejectors from London's Purdey James & Sons or Holland & Holland. A shotgun costs as much as $22,500; gunsmiths report waiting lists of up to four years for their matchless weapons. Over most of the 3 million arid Highland acres, where Lagopus scoticus breeds and feeds, the birds are the only source of income for the lairds. The owners' expenses can be considerable. Since grouse exist only on tender heather shoots, the lands must be burned over once a year to provide new growth and must be patrolled constantly to protect the young birds from predatory varmints. Moreover, the castles and stately mansions have become horrifically expensive to heat and maintain. However many brace of birds (the British, like Noah, always count them by twos) they may shoot, the Guns of August are allowed to keep only a few a day for personal consumption. Most are shipped south to salivating diners.

The race to put the first birds on the table is frenetic. This Glorious Twelfth, the Onslow Arms in the Surrey suburb of West Clandon dispatched a helicopter to the Heriot moor south of Edinburgh, and 18 still warm grouse were rushed to a London-bound plane. At Heathrow Airport, a fleet of three Ferraris sped the precious consignment to a nearby heliport, where a trio of off-duty Red Devil paratroopers and two choppers were standing by. The Devils jumped into the restaurant's car park, where they were met by chefs in running shoes, who sprinted with the birds to preheated ovens. The cost: at least $10,000. Elapsed time between bag and bite: 3 hr. 14 min. To its chagrin, London's Ritz Hotel was beaten out when a Scottish fog grounded its grouse shuttle, a World War II Lysander aircraft.

The birds, which weigh about 16 oz. when plucked and readied for the oven, should not in fact be eaten within hours of decease. They should be "hung" for at least three days to bring out their uniquely gamy flavor. At London's incomparable Connaught Hotel dining room, they are served in classic fashion: roasted but bloody, in their own juice, with pate, bread sauce or gravy and potato crisps, preferably accompanied by a light claret "to tone them down a bit," as Connaught Headwaiter Joseph O'Toole puts it. (Sherlock Holmes preferred his grouse fried with bacon and served with currant jelly, gravy, browned potatoes and mushrooms.) A grouse luncheon at the Connaught costs about $58, sans claret. At dinner, the `a la carte menu does not list the price. As with owning a yacht, if you have to ask the cost, you can't afford it.

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