It's the sort of thing you expect by now in a Woody Allen flick. Allen is sitting in this restaurant in Manhattan, see, when up walks a kid with big eyes and braces who looks just like Allen might have at 13. "Hello," says the kid. "Can I have your autograph?" Allen writes, not his name, but a note: "Hi. I'm casting for my new major motion picture. Would you like to come for a screen test?" Naturally the kid passes the test, gets a part and grows up to become a big movie star. Except that Anthony DePaola, of Old Bridge, N.J., who met Woody just that way,' was screen-tested and given a walk-on part in Allen's latest film, still wants to be a doctor.

That sounded like Rude Britannia they were humming in Chicago last week. Princess Margaret, visiting the city, paused at a Gold Coast penthouse party to chitchat with Mayor Jane Byrne. Byrne noted that she had recently been in England for the funeral of Margaret's cousin Lord Mountbatten, who had been killed by

Irish terrorists. "The Irish, they're pigs," snapped Margaret, and then blurted, "Oh, you're Irish." That version of their talk, reported by Chicago Sun-Times Columnist Irv Kupcinet, created an international furor. Byrne diplomatically recalled the conversation as having had something to do with Irish jigs. London sources insisted that Margaret, if she used pigs at all, was referring only to terrorists.

What makes a man g.i.b.?

Kindness, according to Model Cheryl Tiegs. Actress Monique Van Vooren insists that it involves subtlety. Comedienne Phyllis Diller says it happens when a man listens and learns. What is g.i.b.? It stands for "good in bed," and What Makes a Man G.I.B.? by British Writer Wendy Leigh hits U.S. bookstands next week. Leigh put the question to 49 well-known men and women. She got some startlingly explicit answers. There were only two no-comments, from Television Personality David Frost and Film Director Roman Polanski, who either didn't know or wouldn't say.

How much do you tip a waitress who already makes six figures? That was the question for customers at Washington's Capital Hilton Hotel coffee shop last week as Linda Lavin served up hamburgers and cleared away dirty dishes. Lavin, better known as Alice when she waits on prime-time television tables at Mel's Diner, was in town to accept an award: the National Commission on Working Women found her the TV character to whom real-life blue-and pink-collar working women most relate. Does Lavin relate back? "I'm on my feet too all day, every day," she says of her shooting schedule. "We're really into Supp-hose."

The violin is Yehudi Menuhin's first concern, but not his only one. The 63-year-old virtuoso is an outspoken opponent of energy waste and pollution: to help eliminate both, he is currently test-riding a battery-powered bicycle. Meanwhile at the 31st Frankfurt Book Fair last week, Menuhin received the booksellers' peace prize of $14,000 as "a man who understands music as a medium for peace." Using the medium as a measure of his appreciation, Menuhin rewarded his audience with the chaconne from Bach's Partita in D Minor.

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