Monday, Apr. 09, 1979

You thought Animal House was gross? Try mud fights. Cheryl Ladd emerges from one in her upcoming ABC-TV fantasy about a South Dakota girl who succeeds in Hollywood. In it, Ladd and several dancing friends are fooling around on the roof of a shed when they suddenly fall into a handy pigsty, landing in 18 in. of gunge. All join in for a high-spirited fray-for-all. But the pictures are not as dirty as they might seem. Cheryl rises muddy but unbowed because the glop--chacun `a son goo --was specially sanitized for the event. "I had a ball," says Charlie's fourth Angel. "But I took five showers and still couldn't get the stuff completely out of my ears."

Because the Mormon Church decrees that the living can offer the dead salvation through baptism, devout Mormons check their roots religiously. But who has turned up so many distinguished kin as Mormon President Spencer W. Kimball? According to the Church News, Kimball is related, at times to the seventh cousin once removed, to John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Franklin Pierce, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Herbert Hoover, Richard M. Nixon, Gerald Ford and an eclectic lot of non-Presidents including John Foster Dulles, George Gallup, Aaron Burr, Nelson A. Rockefeller, Walt Disney and Humphrey Bogart. Though the Church News makes no mention of it, Kimball can boast such a fruitful family tree largely because his grandfather, in the polygamous old days, had 45 wives.

Zbigniew Brzezinski and wife enjoyed the Washington premiere of Hair so much that they decided to take in the post-premiere party at the elan, a downtown D.C. disco. Doffing coat and tie, munching from a health spread of brown rice, raw vegetables and yogurt soup, President Carter's national security adviser danced almost every feverish dance. His evening was interrupted only once for a White House call (subject undisclosed). When asked what he thought of the movie, he replied in diplomatic circum-speak: "It was a benign view of a difficult past."

A "Europa Abend" or European Evening was the novel finale for the national convention of West Germany's Christian Democratic Union in Kiel. First the politicians routinely re-elected Helmut Kohl party chairman, despite grumbles that Kohl will be no match for Social Democratic Chancellor Helmut Schmidt in next year's elections. After that, to stir support for C.D.U. candidates in upcoming European Parliament elections, a novel buffet of dishes from other European Community nations: smoked salmon from Denmark, Netherlands herring, Italian wine and, Gott im Himmel, the French dish--or dishes--three dancers who pranced about onstage wearing only G strings and nonaligned ostrich feathers. Kohl diplomatically said nothing about the surprise entree. But some other C.D.U.ers did. Harrumphed an anti-Kohlite who clearly recognized breasts and circuses when he saw them: "Bare bosoms cannot compensate for weak leadership."

What finer homage to Pianist Arthur Rubinstein on reaching 92? For 17 hours Radio France broadcast Rubinstein's greatest performances, followed by a live concert at Paris' Theatre des Champs Elysees programmed by the maestro himself. Age and approaching blindness apart, Rubinstein was well up to the celebration. "Composing a concert is like composing a menu," he announced, explaining his choices of Debussy, Bach, Rachmaninoff, Mozart and Schubert. "I believe in musical digestion. If you start with light pieces and play a 45-minute sonata after the interlude, it's like starting dinner with hors d'oeuvres and dessert and finishing with a Chateaubriand and vegetables."

On the Record

Mike Royko, Chicago Sun-Times columnist, accepting the role of a crooked alderman in a TV film: "Never having seen an honest alderman, I wouldn't know how to play one."

John Durkin, New Hampshire Senator: "In New Hampshire today, the Ayatullah Khomeini could beat Carter."

Sarah Caldwell, conductor, answering a Moscow invitation to exchange podiums with a Soviet woman orchestra leader: "I'm a conductor, not a woman conductor."

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