Love Story

Giuseppe's Problem

Giuseppe Scaffidi was a man of simple tastes. A stubby, barrel-chested farm worker, he lived happily with his wife Concetta and their four children in a shabby house in the Sicilian countryside near Messina. One day five years ago, when Giuseppe was 28, he met a young neighbor named Mariannina at a festival. Mariannina was very unhappy. Her husband was old and blind, and her family was forced to live on the husband's pension of $160 a month. "No problem," said Giuseppe generously. "Move in with us." So Mariannina, her husband and their three children settled in.

Three months later came Fortunata, 25. She had been abandoned by her husband. "No problem," said Giuseppe. "Move in with us." Then came Margherita, 20 and pregnant. She was followed by Lucia, 42, seduced and deserted by her lover. Another local woman, a second Margherita, joined the clan. Next was Angelika, 22, a German waitress with two illegitimate children. When Fortunata's mother Carmela showed up, she too was invited to stay. No problem.

It was, in fact, all very pleasant for Giuseppe, who was scrupulously fair in dispensing his sexual generosity. No. 1 concubine became Mariannina, No. 2 her daughter Giuseppa, No. 3 Fortunata, No. 4 Margherita I, No. 5 Margherita II, No. 6 Lucia, No. 7 Mamma Carmela, No. 8 Angelika. Explained No. 2: "We all agreed. Each night, it was someone else's turn to sleep in the big bed with Giuseppe." Hers was Sunday. Scheduling was left to No. 1, who juggled Giuseppe's nocturnal appointments around illnesses and other exigencies. "There was no jealousy at all," said No. 2, ignoring the fact that Wife Concetta had no number, let alone night, to call her own. Indeed, Concetta got fed up with Giuseppe's if-this-is-Wednesday-this-must-be-Fortunata lifestyle, left home and moved in with her father. But divorce? Unthinkable. "Divorce a man like Giuseppe?" she said. "Please, how can you say such a stupid thing?"

And so as the months became years, Giuseppe remained generous in his fashion. A childless couple wanted a baby. No problem," said Giuseppe. He thumbed through his nursery of a dozen or so offspring of diverse parentage and gave the couple No. 5's newborn child Massimo. Giuseppe's father-in-law Antonio was lonely and just a little envious: "You mean all these women are just for you?" No problem. Giuseppe lent the old man No. 6. Giuseppe's father Carmelo, a widower, was also lonely. No problem. In exchange for Fortunata, Carmelo, 64, traded his secondhand truck, worth $480.

That deal was Giuseppe's undoing. His father thought he had bought Fortunata outright with the truck. Not so, said Giuseppe; Fortunata was just on loan. Seven times, Giuseppedrove to his father's to reclaim Fortunata. Seven times Carmelo went to his son's to retrieve her, paying Giuseppe $36 per retrieval. Finally, Carmelo moved to cut his losses: he took Fortunata to the town hall and married her.

That might have restored Giuseppe's peace, but what he did not count on was Fortunata's anger upon learning that she had been traded for a secondhand truck. She blew the whistle, and soon the police were asking questions. They wanted to know if the women were being used as prostitutes; they denied it. The police asked just how Mariannina's husband's pension check was used. The answer was unclear. So now the authorities have charged Giuseppe with pandering and selling his harem's offspring, and they have taken him away. His wife misses him. So do Nos. 1 through 8 (except Fortunata), two of whom are pregnant. Says one: "He loved us all, and he reawakened the joy of living and loving in each of us." Alas, the joy is gone, the game of love by the numbers is over, and generous Giuseppe sleeps alone in jail seven nights a week. That's a problem. qed

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