Monday, Dec. 11, 1978

Anguishing Letters to Dad

"Death is something I look forward to"

The Rev. Jim Jones exhorted his followers over a loudspeaker in July to write him letters analyzing their attitudes toward elitism, anarchy, capitalism, socialism and their feelings about sex, authority and death. More than 200 of the letters--including one written on a scrap of cardboard from a milk carton--were found last week in a box on the porch of his cabin at Jonestown. They offer moving insights into the adherents' obsessive loyalty to their leader, whom they addressed as "Dad, "and reveal minds bent upon self-abasement and sometimes self-destruction. The excerpts that follow use the spelling and punctuation of the original letters:

I have to children now. They both mean so much to me. I want to give them security, but I also know I need them to be a security for me. I know I needed someone to share my life with because it seemed to be so lonely at times. Its the fault of too selfish parent. I know if they must die for Socialism it will be a most honorable death because dying for Peace Justice, Freedom for all is worth the struggle.

C. Wilhite

I don't respect Dad the way I should. I respect Dad out of fear of getting in trouble. Rather than respecting him for what he is, a Marxist Lenist. When I'm in a follower role and not in a supervisoral role, I feel threatened that people are against me which isn't true and comes back to my elitetism.

Eugene Smith

One of my biggest problems I feel is my inability to cope with rejection. I wanted to make it in society so I could completely make myself over so that some guy would want to marry and I would get the love and attention I felt needed. This type of sick attitude makes me dangerous to socialism because I could be too easily used by any male I felt attracted to.

Evelyn Thomas

I fell gillty becuase i had money in the state and i did not turn it in. I am a andarech [anarchist] and I think i am a eleist [elitist].

Kecia Daisy, age 11

I waisted money buying cars and trucks, and I waisted money buying candy and soda pop, hamburgers, clothing that I didn't need. And I waist money buying gasoline and oil, waist money paying telephone bills, now Dad after hearing your teaching about how the tax off these above itms help to keep our sisters and brothers in slavement I feel very guilty. Oh yes, I bought beear, whisky, cigars, cigarettes by the carton and I feel guilt.

Gabriel Thomas

I know I still follow you because you have the gift to protect me. I like to look strong but I know I'm weak.

Shirley Smith

It seems like when ever I have a good thought on my mind it usually boils down to having sex. Im attracked to brothers, sisters and even some children. Sexually, I feel this is very bad. Dad all I can say is that I'm two people write now: one of them is a very humble and innocent persons, and the other one is a crull and insinceitive person that goes around with bad thoughts on his mind.

Preston Wade

My Feeling for Father & this cause is a very happy one I can not think of anything that I would or could be happier with. Father is wonderful, clean, straight forward & Supernatural. I play no sexual games to jealous to play sexual games. I am not afraid to die but would like to die for a reason.

Rose Shelton

Another fault is that I miss soda, candy, pie, etc. which I shouldn't miss at all. The way I can prevent this is on agricultural Sunday work extra hard and I think everyone else should to because this produces more. Not only for sweet stuff do we only work for but to make our community become more advance.

Lisa Rodriguez, age 12

I used to think why was I born, why do people have to die, every time I think about it I cried. Now I'm ready to die for this cause.

Burnell Wilson

I really thought I was a bourgeouise Black, who was making it. What I was really doing was killing our people all over the world. I was helping rape innocent women, children, stealing land, bombing beautiful colored people, black, yellow, brown, red, white. I cringe at the thought, but I will live with this because I know what a bitch I really am.

Leslie Wilson

How I feel about dying--It feels like being alone. I would like to stay around a little longer.

Syda Turner

I spend money in buying unnessary things for my grandchildren such as clothes. I want to please you and one way I know is to please the Family and I'll go a long way to please them.

Aurora Rodriguez

I am hostile towards authority and the "reward and punishment system" and "fear motivation." I feel very lonely but I am satisfied with the fact that I am over the hill, 29 yrs old. I think the best use of sex at this time is to further the cause of Communism. Most days I wish I would vanish into thin air. Death is something I look forward to. My only objection is being away from people I care about & someone I'll miss, that's You.

Maureen Talley

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