Quick Cuts

By R.S., F.R., John Skow

THE SWARM

Directed by Invin Allen

Screenplay by Stirling Silliphant

It is the conceit of this movie that killer bees have made their way up from South America ahead of schedule, before the country could be prepared for the onslaught. Now it is not unreasonable to suppose that a tense little movie could be made out of the struggle between the bugs and the military-scientific complex charged with exterminating them. Unfortunately, no one seems to want to make tense little movies any more, least of all Irwin Allen, who has prospered with the likes of The Poseidon Adventure and The Towering Inferno, in which potentially amusing premises were so heavily encrusted with "human interest" subplots that they sank of their own weight.

Such is the problem with The Swarm, in which it sometimes seems that the character actors may outnumber the bees. There is much evidence that heavy cutting took place after shooting (why no one thinks to do this before the cameras turn, when it is ever so much cheaper, is one of Hollywood's enduring mysteries), since many scenes have nothing much to do with one another. The most egregious error of this sort concerns a geratic triangle involving Olivia de Havilland, Ben Johnson and Fred MacMurray that has no relation to the insect world. Then, too, one wonders about Michael Caine, the entomologist leading the fight against the winged villains. His lines suggest that there is more to his involvement with the bees than scientific concern, but we never find out what on earth is bugging him. It seems to be Caine's sad fate to go around being intelligent in dumb movies. -- R.S.

A DIFFERENT STORY

Directed by Paul Aaron

Screenplay by Henry Olek

There is nothing different about A Different Story; it's the same old boy-meets-girl hogwash. This time around, the boy is Albert (Perry King), a dress designer, and the girl is Stella (Meg Foster), a Los Angeles real estate agent. They meet, become fast friends, get married, have a baby and live happily ever after.

Why, then, does this movie dare call itself "different"? The answer is simply that Writer Henry Olek has a gimmick: Albert and Stella are both gay. Or at least they are at first. The two leave homosexuality behind forever as soon as they spend a night together. Just like that.

Shoddily directed and lamely acted, A Different Story is a catalogue of stereotypes and derivative comic situations. In their gay incarnations Albert is a prissy narcissist and Stella a macho loudmouth.

Once "cured" of homosexuality, they become the most domesticated couple to be seen since Father Knows Best. There's something in A Different Story to turn off audiences of every sexual persuasion --and movie lovers most of all. -- F.R.

THE BAD NEWS BEARS GO TO JAPAN

Directed by John Berry

Screenplay by Bill Lancaster

"Kill the messenger" is what the surly viewer thinks after being subjected to this latest and surely last edition of Bad News. Though what this means is unclear: Kill Tony Curtis, the wretched main character? Kill John Berry, the chartless director? Kill the theater projectionist? A few years ago, there was a cheerful film called The Bad News Bears, about an endearingly inept kiddy baseball team. It starred the endearingly ept child star Tatum O'Neal.

A sequel was made, however--The BNBs Fire Billy Martin, or some such --and now there is a sequel to the sequel. It is not accurate to say that it is without merit. There is one short scene in which Dick Button, playing a TV color babbler, describes the moves of a Japanese wrestler in terms of figure skating, the only sport his character knows anything about. This is an accurate satire of TV sports reporting, but nothing else in the film has any spark whatsoever. -- John Skow

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