Reno Gets the Bird

The late humorist Robert Benchley hated pigeons and once declared war on them. But he warned darkly: "I have a horrible feeling that the pigeons are going to win." Now the fight has been taken up by the city fathers of Reno, who discovered a problem with pigeons--the flying variety, not the birds at the gambling tables. Across the main street arches a neon sign that proclaims Reno to be THE BIGGEST LITTLE CITY IN THE WORLD. Trouble is, pigeons love the sign, and after they had deposited close to a ton of droppings on it, the methane gas created by the decomposing material was ignited by a short circuit. Poof went the sign.

Harold's Club is offering $100 for the best idea to rid the sign permanently of pigeons. Among the proposals received so far: 1) Make the roost untenable with axle grease or spikes. 2) Blow the birds off with blasts of compressed air. 3) Talk them into moving elsewhere. (This one came from a man who claims that he knows how to converse with pigeons. He asked for no salary, just free room and board until he gets the job done.) 4) Frighten the birds away with rubber rattlesnakes, fake owls or a yowling mechanical cat--with a dead pigeon in its mouth for extra effect.

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