Battle Diary

By J.C.

THE NEXT MAN

Directed by RICHARD C. SARAFIAN Screenplay by MORT FINE, ALAN TRUSTMAN, DAVID M. WOLF and RICHARD C. SARAFIAN

It is hard to fathom how a movie like The Next Man gets made. Watching Sean Connery and Cornelia Sharpe bounce from one inanity to another, one can only guess at the origins of such a project. Consider, for example, some possible entries in a film executive's diary.

Sept. 17, 1975. We're here in New York doing preproduction. The script is in great shape. Now we've got not only spies and terrorists and plain old cops, but also oil millionaires, Saudi Arabian ambassadors and the whole U.N. General Assembly. I smoothed out the plot with Alan Trustman, who once wrote Bullitt. Cornelia will be swell in the picture.

Oct. 4. Sean Connery arrived last night. Even though he starred in six James Bond movies, Connery says he can't make any sense out of our script.

Alan's working on his suggestions. Cornelia's going to be a knockout.

Oct. 12. Who says spy movies are supposed to make sense anyway? I've got David M. Wolf to add a few twists to Alan's material. Sean says he never played a Saudi Arabian ambassador before and he's worried about how he'll look in a burnoose. Being Scotch, maybe he'd prefer a kilt! (Joke) Cornelia would look terrific in one too.

Oct. 18. Beautiful autumn in New York! Mort Fine is doing a great job on Dave Wolf's rewrite. Shooting starts soon. Director arrives tomorrow. Cornelia is looking forward to meeting him.

Oct. 20. Dick Sarafian got in yesterday. He said he didn't understand the script either, which is too bad since he is the director. Cornelia's costumes are beautiful.

Oct. 24. Dick Sarafian is rewriting the script. This movie is going to be great: after New York, we've got locations in London, Ireland, Nice, the Bahamas, the Middle East and Teterboro, N.J.

Feb. 2. The Bahamas were great--everybody got some sun! Now we're in Saudi Arabia, and Sarafian says he does not understand his own rewrite. He shows up in a small part though, so no one can say this picture didn't have a director. Cornelia is a lot happier here. Nobody understands English.

March 27. In Nice, and finishing up.

We got great shots of the carnival. These will look swell with the scenes of the London busker and the Macy's Thanks giving Day Parade. Good entertainment value, good change of pace. Sean finished up before we got here, which is O.K. He kept asking questions about the script nobody could answer. He wanted to know why everybody was going to Nice. I said for the sun. (Joke) He said Cornelia got to go to all the nice places.

May 4. Back in New York, and cutting. The film editor says he doesn't understand the script. I told him to do his best.

Aug. 20. Editor says the movie is too long. He says we could save 20 minutes by cutting out most of Cornelia's nude scenes. He also says we should dub her voice. Cornelia would never go for that.

Nov. 22. What is it with all these reviews? Nobody understands the movie. I think it's simple. I can explain it to anyone. But I'm really pretty busy looking for a part more suitable to Cornelia's talents. I'm thinking maybe comedy.

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