Men of the House

"At first I just tolled round the house doing chores, watching soap operas, and growing lonesome. I found myself waiting for Sandy to come home as the highlight of the day. There was a dependency starting to build up in me."

These familar symptoms of "housewife syndrome" have been described by countless bored and depressed women. The speaker, however, is burly, bearded Sheldon Schacter of Carmel Valley, Calif., who gave up a $13,000-a-year job as a psychiatric social worker to become a househusband. Schacter, 29, cares for his son Jason and weilds a mean spatula and dry mop while his wife Sandy goes off to teach. Though feminists have long argued that such role reversals are often desirable, how many men have actually agreed to swap the daily commuter train for domesticity? Report TIME correspondents nationwide: a very scant, very hardy few.

Statistically, there are over 200,000 male homemakers in the U.S. according to the Department of Labor. Yet the large majority of these are old-age pensioners and widowed or divorced men temporarily caring for their children. The husband willing not just to help at home but instead to liberate his wife totally from the kitchen remains a rare species. "I don't think there are a dozen men in the U.S. who could survive a year as househusbands," says Warren Farrell, 30, who teaches sexual politics at American University in Washington D.C. "A man would go crazy at home much faster than a woman because he has not learned all his life to play the role of wife." Phillip Rabinowitz, 28, of Brighton, Mass., who has been caring for his infant son for the past nine months while his wife attends law school, supports that thesis: "I can't wait to get out of the house and back to work. I love my son Adam, but I can see how taking care of a kid can drive a woman up the wall."

Role Reversals. Other men object to the sheer drudgery of housework. "I can't stand cleaning," admits Author Robert Kimmel Smith, 42, who writes in his Brooklyn, N.Y., home and cares for his children while his wife Claire works full time as a literary agent. Schacter enlivens his vacuuming chores by plugging in a set of stereo headphones. Cincinnati Househusband Ken Onaitis, 26, slaves over a hot stove and grew angry at first when his wife arrived home late for dinner. Says he: "Well, you work two hours over something..."

Frequently parents and friends do not understand the role reversals. "My son is between jobs," fibs Alyce Onaitis. In fact, Onaitis is so sensitive about his stay-at-home status that he avoids business discussions with other men unless he is "ready to defend myself."

The wives generally like the new arrangement, although Susan Onaitis admits that "it was quite a revelation to find out what a burden a man carries, knowing he has to pay the family bills for the rest of his life." Some couples have found that the role reversals strengthened their marriages as well as father-son bonds. Moreover Househusband Smith anticipates that Roger, 6, will grow up without the "machismo hangups that afflict many men." Says Smith: "Roger is used to seeing me cook and having me be 'Daddy-Mommy.' "

Still, frustrations persist. Rabinowitz is consumed by guilt when he finds himself enjoying the freedom to read or play music. Onaitis is forced to sublimate his success drive by remodeling an old house. And some couples discover that the swap can add unnecessary family expenses-at least at the beginning. Onaitis, for example, who frequently squanders part of the weekly food budget his wife gives him on his favorite toasted soybeans and sunflower seeds, once signed up for seven magazine subscriptions in one day. He liked the salesman.

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