The really big question in Washington was: How did Senator William Proxmire (D., Wis.) get two black eyes? Gossips ruled out a barroom brawl (he doesn't drink) or a domestic disagreement (he is separated from his wife). The Senator would only say, "No comment." The most likely explanation was blepharoplasty--plastic surgery to remove bags under the eyes.

"He is the living giant of film history. I would compare him to Picasso in the art world." Martin E. Segal, president of the Film Society of Lincoln Center, was confirming that Charles Spencer Chaplin was coming to Manhattan for an 83rd birthday party at the center before going on to Hollywood to receive a special citation at the Academy Awards on April 10. Charlie Chaplin, a British subject who refused to return to the U.S. for 20 years after the Attorney General demanded that he prove his "moral worth," said he had no more hard feelings. "I had my say," declared Charlie. "They said I was a Communist and I said 'So what.' In fact, I never engaged in any Communist activity." Times have changed; David Rockefeller Jr. is in charge of the champagne supper and film showing with a price range of $100 to $250 per ticket.

In a bit of sisterly hair pulling, Women's Liberator Betty Friedan (The Feminine Mystique) allowed as how Editor-Founder Gloria Steinem of Ms. magazine is "ripping off the movement for private profit. The media tried to make her a celebrity," Betty went on, "but no one would mistake her for a leader." Ms. Steinem said that her "stomach dropped" on hearing the remark. The truth, she replied, "is that the magazine has cost a lot of money, and it continues to cost me money, and every penny is worth it." Ms. Friedan responded by claiming she had been quoted out of context, but Ms. Steinem was having none of it. Though she and others were contributing half of their speaking fees to the movement, she said, "Betty doesn't think it's fair to expect that she should."

Television Newsman Walter Cronkite and Democratic National Committee Chairman Lawrence O'Brien were lunching in a Washington restaurant when a man who looked just like Henry Kissinger stopped at their table. "Why, Henry," said O'Brien, "I thought you'd be in Paris, or Peking, or some place." "Kissinger is," said Kissinger. "I'm really Howard Hughes."

Meeting Philippe de Vosjoli, former head of French intelligence in the U.S., was a lucky break for Novelist Leon Uris, who based his popular novel, Topaz, on Vosjoli's account of his experiences. Now it is Agent Vosjoli's turn to feel good about the whole thing. The Los Angeles Superior Court has ruled that Uris broke his contract to split the Topaz profits with Vosjoli and therefore must pay Vosjoli $352,350, plus interest, plus half of all future earnings derived from the book.

A nose by any other name would smell as sweet, but the chic nose of the moment in Europe is that of Princess Anne, according to Viennese Plastic Surgeon Hans Bruck. At a conference of plastic surgeons in Miami, the veteran of some 5,000 rhinoplasties (nose jobs) said that prospective patients used to come in clutching photos of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, but now "they want the nose of the House of Windsor, like Princess Anne." Anne's aristocratically elongated proboscis will probably not penetrate the U.S., says

Dr. Bruck: "The great majority of American girls seem to like their noses small, slightly turned up, on the short side. But my foreign patients think the longer nose has character."

"Why shouldn't I spend my second childhood in the country where I spent a happy first childhood?" By way of answer to that question, Poet Wystan Hugh Auden is going to give up his $35a-week apartment in Manhattan's East Village for a $9-a-week "grace and favor" cottage at Oxford, England. A New Yorker since 1939 and a U.S. citizen since 1946, Auden is anxious "to dispel any feeling that I am disgruntled with America or aggravated by life in New York. If I were 40, or even 50, I would stay here. But I shall be 65 on Feb. 21, and my decision is based on common sense. Suppose I were taken ill, had a coronary. Here, I could lie helpless for days before someone found me. In Oxford, I shall be part of the community. I should be missed if I failed to turn up for meals--especially as they are provided free. Pity that doesn't apply to the drinks."

It was a far cry from the old days of the British raj and the white man's burden, but some vestigial splendor remained as Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Philip and Princess Anne began their five-week tour of Southeast Asia with a five-day state visit to Thailand. Prince Philip --uniformed as an Admiral of the Fleet--commanded the royal launch as it left the royal yacht and swooshed up to Bangkok's royal pier, where the English royals were greeted by the Thai royals, King Bhumibol and Queen Sirikit. Then there was a ride in the royal Daimler through cheering throngs, a walk over a flower-strewn path and a presentation of the key to the city.

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