And Now, the Spiro and Martha Show

With Spiro Agnew and Martha Mitchell on the same bill, last week's $150-a-plate G.O.P. "Salute to the Vice President" in Washington's Sheraton Park Hotel promised lively political entertainment. TIME Correspondent John Austin, who attended along with 1,100 other guests, wrote this review:

THE tone of the evening hovered somewhere between shlock and slumber. The show got off to a nervous opening, with a somewhat tense local host introducing the master of ceremonies of the evening not once but twice as "Al Clap." Cartoonist Capp ignored that, launching into a brief monologue that included the evening's best one-liners: "Who would ever have thought you could elect a conservative from New York [Senator-elect James Buckley]? It used to be that you only admitted to being a conservative to your rabbi or priest or family doctor. Now it is legal to practice conservatism between consenting adults."

Then Capp turned things over to the night's real attraction, Martha, with the caveat: "World War I had its Sergeant York; World War II, George Patton. But we have a much more dangerous fighter in our battle with the left, and she is even sometimes dangerous to the other sie."

The crowd was ready for a tour de force. Dressed in a green evening gown with matching coat, Martha went to the podium, issued a little squeal and began her monologue. Pausing, she whipped out a little red telephone, dialed and said: "Hello, is this United Press International? Hurry and get me Isabelle Hall [one of Mrs. Mitchell's telephone friends]. Isabelle? This is Martha. No, I'm not in a canoe. I'm at the Sheraton Park. I can't talk very loud because John is listening.

"I'm just about to introduce the Vice President. They won't let me say but ten words, so what can I say? He's what? You bet he's cute! And . . . what is that? A peerless prince of positive patriotism? Let me write that down. Now I've got one for youhe is the most marvelous man Maryland ever mothered . . . Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States." Through all of this, Attorney General John Mitchell sat on the dais with a small smile on his face. Agnew acknowledged the introduction with the observation that Martha "must be making a lot of telephone callsI understand Kosygin has asked for an unlisted number." Then the Vice President presented a reworked version of his pre-election speeches; this time instead of saying that the Republicans would win, he argued that they had won. After his serious remarks, he noted that the dinner was renewed proof of his fund-raising talent, having raked in $150,000. Said Agnew: "I am glad tonight to practice my Irish routinethe gathering of the green."

Kentucky Governor Louie Nunn presented the Vice President, the President (in absentia) and Mamie Eisenhower with samples of a "limited" edition of china bourbon decanters, shaped like elephants, from the Jim Beam people. The edition was so limited that only 197 other decanters were awarded to "lucky letter" holders in the audience. As the evening closed, Martha Mitchell seemed especially reluctant to relinquish the stage. For 40 minutes, as impatient waiters flicked the ballroom lights on and off and collected the centerpieces from the tables, Mrs. Mitchell stood on the podium signing autographs, repeating over and over, "I love it. I love it."

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