Satirizing the War as an Investment

THE ordinary corporate prospectus, a document prepared for prospective investors in a new stock issue, is perhaps 25% livelier reading than the Manhattan telephone book. One recent prospectus, however, is on the way to becoming a Wall Street bestseller, mostly because it convulses readers with often grim laughter. Brokers and other businessmen have been discussing it in board rooms and over luncheon tables; investment firms have ordered extra copies in quantity.

The author, Burton R. Tauber, 35, took time out last spring from his Wall Street law practice--which often involved preparation of prospectuses--to do some volunteer antiwar lobbying in Washington. He felt that he got nowhere. In order to relieve his frustration, he began dictating a prospectus for "The War in Viet Nam" ("hereinafter referred to as 'the Company' "). He got about one-third of the way through before his secretary realized that it was a parody. No wonder; Tauber has reproduced both the form and the stilted legalese of a genuine prospectus, and the euphemistic circumlocutions peculiar to the genre provide an ideal vehicle for deadpan satire.

Warning and Reassurance. The Company, the prospectus solemnly states, "commenced business as a small-scale consulting firm, but since 1964 has branched out into the active conduct of upholding democracy and honoring commitments." At present, "the business of the Company consists primarily of acquiring and destroying real estate." Richard Nixon has been Chief Executive Officer since Jan. 1, 1969 ("Prior thereto, Mr. Nixon devoted his life to securing his present position"), and Spiro T. Agnew has been Vice President since the same date ("Prior to his joining the Company, Mr. Agnew did not exist"). The Company has organized a "Cambodian Subsidiary," and maintains an office in Paris, France, "but does not consider such facilities or operations to be significant."

"After deduction for miscalculation and wastage in the Pentagon and corruption and pilferage in Southeast Asia," the prospectus says, the Company expects to raise a net of $50 billion from the American people this year. The proceeds will go partly for "payments and benefits to certain government officers in Viet Nam and their mistresses. See 'Remuneration.' " Prospective investors are duly warned that "this offering involves a high degree of risk." However, they are reassured that "over the longer period, investors shall receive honor and retention of face."

Pale Contrast. Friends to whom Tauber recited such sentences at lunch urged him to show the prospectus to a publisher; and Workman Publishing Co., a small Manhattan firm, brought it out as a booklet indistinguishable in appearance from a real prospectus. The joke is now earning a modest profit, which Tauber intends to donate to war relief. The first printing of 10,000 copies sold out almost immediately, and Workman has ordered a second printing of 10,000. The publisher has also begun advertising the parody with appropriately sedate "tombstone" ads in the New York Times. The ads make a pale contrast to the advertising program of the Company described in the prospectus: "The Company's advertising is carried on domestically by its Chief Executive Officer on network television at prime time, free of charge." On the other hand, Tauber's production is in better financial shape than his spoof reports for the Company: "No balance sheet has been included in this Registration Statement, as the Company may be deemed insolvent as defined by generally accepted auditing and accounting standards."

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