Souffle for Scientists

An article in February's The Sciences, magazine of the respected New York Academy of Sciences, proposes that we are what we eat: "Thus when a person exclaims, 'Boy, do I feel like a steak today!' he may mean it quite literally. He may feel exactly like a large slab of meat: soft, raw, heavy." That digested, the article proceeds to other insights into "the relationship between eating habits and personality traits."

Take asparagus. "Subjects who spontaneously attack and eat the tip first are likely to be immature, fearful and dependent, unable to-defer gratification even briefly. Those individuals who proceeded from stem to tip rated high in such personality parameters as frustration-tolerance, self-security and confidence. In the American psychosocial tradition, they showed faith in the future, confidence in the Judeo-Christian ethic, and a conviction that delayed gratification is morally correct." Then there is the matter of eggs: "Several of the students, speaking of their reactions to poached eggs, wondered if they had really been born yet."

Entitled "Freud Eggs," the article has all the appurtenances of the learned-journal genre: discussion of control groups, statistical evidence, impressive phraseology ("the egg syndrome," "sensory food stimulator"), citations (Journal of Ontogenetic Orthopsychology), cross-references ("see 'Starving the Brain,' The Sciences, Nov. 1968"). The piece has elicited calls from doctors and scientists eager but unable to trace its sources. Small wonder: like everything else about the article, the sources are fictitious.

"Eggs" was whipped up by Sciences Staffer Harry Atkins with the full knowledge and encouragement of Editor Margery Barnett--who two years ago published another Atkins put-on, "Summer Migrations," a pseudo-analytical piece on vacationing Americans. Says Miss Barnett: "Once in a while it's nice to run something to get us out of the groove of reporting straight science."

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