THE COMPLEAT DELEGATE

EMBARKING for the Balaklava of the Chicago stockyards, the foresighted Democratic delegate would ideally--and intelligently--go equipped with: goggles (to protect the eyes from tear gas and Mace), cyclist's crash helmet (from billy clubs, bricks, etc.), flak jacket (from snipers), Vaseline (from Mace), Mace (from rioters), washcloth (from tear gas), bug bomb (to kill the flies that infest the amphitheatre from nearby stockyard dunghills), folding bicycle (there is a cab strike), roller skates (carpet tacks scattered on the streets by the demonstrators may decommission the bike), wire cutters (in case delegate is trapped inside the amphitheatre, or outside because of pickpocketed credentials), all-purpose bail-bond credit card (if arrested), air mattress (in event of prolonged incarceration or inability to return to hotel because of trans portation problems), bottled water (should yippies manage to turn on the Chicago water supply with a lacing of LSD or other hallucinogens), canned rations (one rumor has suggested that food in the hostelries where delegates are staying would be garnished with ground glass), ham radio (no phone service), walkie-talkie (if radio fails), chrysanthemums (for flower power if cornered by militant hippies), first-aid kit, gross of aspirin, and finally, a passepartout, collectively endorsed by A.D.A., Y.I.P., the Geneva Conference, Mayor Daley, the Black Panthers and Interpol, certifying that the bearer is an accredited seeker of peace, racial harmony, revolution, law and order and legalized pot.

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