Snippers v. Snipers

CBS says no. Tommy says yes. Dickie sighs. CBS says bad taste. Tommy, popping another ulcer pill into his mouth, says O.K., we quit. Dickie yawns elaborately. CBS says O.K., O.K., you can say, "Good night all you draft dodgers in Canada. We'll probably be seeing you next November," but no fair using that line "Go fa la la yourself."

So it goes each week at Los Angeles' Television City, as the Smothers brothers do battle with the men from CBS's program-practices department--otherwise known as the censors. Ever since the brothers started their Sunday-evening variety series a year ago, they have been pressing for satire with a strong social comment or, as they describe it, "put-ons with a point." Very often the points are too cutting for the network and it insists on doing some cutting of its own. Dickie is understanding about it, but Tommy is outraged. In one of his frequent debates with network biggies, Tommy growled: "Dick and I are the only ones who really know what young people want. When was the last time you went any place where young people were hurting for entertainment?"

Mild Heart. He may have a point. The sturdiest argument that the Smothers brothers have is the show's ratings; this season, attracting a youthful following that regards them as hippies with haircuts, it has consistently ranked among the top variety shows. On the opening program in September, CBS showed signs of giving in a little. The network approved the guest appearance of Folk Singer Pete Seeger, who had been blackballed by the networks since he refused to testify before the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1955. But then CBS turned right around and banned one of Seeger's songs, Waist Deep in the Big Muddy, because of its obvious reference to President Johnson's handling of the Viet Nam war. The offending lines:

Now every time I read the papers

That old feelin' comes on

We're waist deep in the Big Muddy

And the big fool says to push on.

On another occasion, the censors censored a skit on censoring. In that playlet, Comedienne Elaine May and Tommy, portraying a pair of ridiculous bluenose censors, decide that they must substitute the word "arm" for "breast" in a script. "But won't that sound funny?" asks Tommy. "My heart beats wildly in my arm whenever you are near." Other routines that were cut were less innocuous. Such as the one in which Dickie says: "They have a fine ballet in Moscow." "Bolshoi," says Tommy. "No, no, Tommy, it really is a good ballet." That was touchy enough, but what really sent the censors running for their scissors was this exchange:

Dickie: Do you know what Easter is actually all about?

Tommy: Sure. It's the day Jesus Christ rose from his tomb . . .

Dickie: That's right. I'm proud of you.

Tommy: . . . and if he sees his shadow, he has to go back in again for six weeks.

The ground rules of snippers v. snipers are subtle. The censors insisted that all coughing be deleted in a takeoff on cigarette commercials because it represented "a derogatory statement about people who support your business." In another bit, the censors objected to the terms "white slavery, pornography and narcotics." So they changed the line to something more genteel--"murder, blackmail and robbery." Recently, in a sketch set in the Garden of Eden, Tommy was deterred from biting the forbidden apple by a booming voice saying, "That's a no-no." The phrase, grumbled the censors' memo, "can only be interpreted as the voice of God and as such must be considered irreverent." Lest there be any doubt, the network actually enlisted a rabbi, a priest and a minister to pass judgment. Irreverence won, two to one.

The overriding problem, as far as the brothers are concerned, is that CBS, with its large commitment to the blandest sort of family shows, is out of tune with the times and with its audiences. "The whole country's in trouble," exclaims Tommy, "and we've started getting a kind of renaissance, in the arts, in living. Painters can reflect their society. And writers can. Why can't TV comedians?"

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