In London to film a quickie called Two Weeks in September, Brigitte Bardot explained that the theme was "love --the greatest illusion. It is ecstatic, painful and hopeless at the same time." Well, maybe, but following her around, B.B.'s new husband and Great Love No. 3, German Playboy Gunter Sachs, hardly seemed hopeless. And he was not the sort to be upset when Brigitte added: "Of course, love has nothing to do with marriage or children or washing the dishes."

Whitehall was aghast in 1948 when London University Law Student Seretse Khama, young chief of Bechuanaland's Bamangwato tribe, wooed and won London Typist Ruth Williams. She was a white woman, which was bound to cause trouble among the natives. Quietly, Whitehall asked the couple to live out of sight in England. Politely they refused--and when they insisted on going home, the government banished them from Bechuanaland until 1956 when they and their children (now three sons, one daughter) were finally allowed to return. Britain may have long since swallowed its prejudice, but it took until last week to show its pride when Queen Elizabeth knighted Prime Minister (since March 1965) Khama, 45, as Commander of the Order of the British Empire. None too soon. On Sept. 30, Bechuanaland becomes the Independent Republic of Botswana--Sir Seretse Khama, President.

If teen-agers swarm into theaters to see a new spy spoof called Murderer's Row, it won't be for the sake of Star Dean Martin. The big draw is a hirsute trio called Dino, Desi and Billy. Only a couple of years ago, big Dino's 14-year-old son and namesake got together with Drummer Desiderio Arnaz IV, Desi's 13-year-old son, and Guitarist Billy Hinsche, 14-year-old son of a retired Beverly Hills real estate man. Now the boys have a 350,000-record hit (I'm a Fool) and archly refuse to appear anywhere the cops can't guarantee protection from their fans. "I think we would have made it without our parents," says Dino Jr., "but not as quick." And who knows what lies in store after their voices crack?

How sharper than a barber's shears! As proprietor of three fancy salons in London, Hairstylist Vidal Sassoon, 38, has coiffed some of the world's most elegant women, and for the past 16 months he's been practicing his art in a Manhattan shop as well. Trouble is, New York State requires a license for that sort of thing, and it wants him to take its hairdresser exam. "Asinine and obsolete," said Sassoon. "The test requires that I do finger waving and reverse pin curling--things that haven't been used since Gloria Swanson was in silent movies." It wasn't that he couldn't do these things, he added, but that he wouldn't. Responded the New York State secretary of state: You can't.

The newlyweds have only been married for two months, but they're thinking about anniversaries. The silver-edged invitations read: "Mr. and Mrs. Frank Sinatra request the pleasure of your company at a Lost Weekend on the occasion of the fifth anniversary of Silent Sam and his bride." To those who know Silent Sam (Movie Producer Freddie Brisson) and his bride (Actress Rosalind Russell), the nickname fits like a five-thumb glove. "He hasn't shut his mouth for the past half century," reported Suzy, gossip colum nist for the New York World Journal Tribune. Still, it sounds like the kind of blast that everybody will have something to say about. The invitations promised a trip to Las Vegas aboard "Howard Hughes's wooden flying boat," a "straw drawing for rooms," and a lunch in Death Valley. And the finale is a sing-along with the host.

Nothing on TV could match the characters in the Manhattan courtroom of Civil Court Judge J. Daniel Fink. The plaintiff was Lewis S. Rosenstiel, 75, founder and president of Schenley Industries. The defendant: blonde Susan Rosenstiel, 45, his estranged wife. Roy Cohn was counsel for the plaintiff, Louis Nizer for the defense. Rosenstiel charged that his wife changed all the locks on their East Side mansion, hired guards to keep him out, and ran up $100,000 in bills for such "necessaries" as jewelry, furs and caviar. The evidence to prove it: 22 separate lawsuits against them for nonpayment of bills. Appalled, Judge Fink called Susan "a woman with an insatiable desire and hunger for money, with an appetite that could not be satisfied or appeased." He then ordered her to pay for her own canards.

With a big red learner's "L" on the car to warn other drivers, Britain's Prince Charles, 17, took the wheel of the family Austin to drive the 60 miles from Balmoral Castle to his old school of Gordonstoun. Beside him on the front seat was six-year-old Prince Andrew, while the Duke of Edinburgh lounged unconcernedly in the back seat. The arrangement elicited polite shock from Britain's Automobile Association, which declared that "We always accept the view that the qualified driver should sit at the side of the learner --within reach of wheel and emergency brake." A most acceptable view, but one which overlooked the fact that Charles, while technically only a learner, has been tooling around the royal estates since his earliest teens.

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