TO: The Staff FROM: The Chief

RE: The Emmy Awards

It has come to my attention that once again our network is behind all three others in Emmy Awards. This must not happen again. We must close the Emmy gap immediately. Therefore I have directed all vice presidents to turn their attention to this year's awards so that next year we can be up there on the podium getting ours. Remember the motto of this company: Neither be the first nor the last. Following are a few notes off the top of my head about last week's award program.

ITEM: Bill Cosby won an award for his performance on I Spy. Granted, Cosby is a fine actor, and he certainly deserves recognition. But let's get Programming to find some Negro of our own and get him written into one of our own dramatic series; perhaps he could be a gardener, or something, who makes witty but penetrating philosophical remarks. (NOTE: He should not, repeat not, play a "heavy.") Meanwhile, Programming should begin work immediately devising an hour series about American Indians or some other noncontroversial minority group.

ITEM: Millard Lampell, who got an award for scriptwriting, stated: "I think everybody ought to know that I was blacklisted for ten years." Response was positive, applause lasted over ten seconds. Let Personnel search files, find the blacklist I compiled in 1955, hire any three writers on it, then instruct Public Relations to leak story to the newspapers, playing up liberalizing of network, integrity, etc.

ITEM: The Dick Van Dyke Show got four Emmys. It has just gone off the air for good. Maybe the way to get more awards is to make sure that the program is going to die. Kill any two situation comedies favorably received by critics.

ITEM: David Susskind was extremely cranky. He complained because Sir John Gielgud was not nominated for an Emmy, even though the show got one. Very effective; mentioned in New York papers. In the future, if any of our producers are given Emmys they are to find something to complain about. If nothing can be found, I will supply complaint.

ITEM: Three dead people were given posthumous Emmys. I want you to know that I think of this as last resort, but one way or another, this network will win more awards, posthumous or otherwise. A word to the wise.

ITEM: The writers of the Carol Channing Special won an award. The show was universally loathed, had no laughs and precious little taste. Surely with all our staff we can do as well. Let me see suggestions on the above items, starting Tuesday. Monday I will be in Chicago delivering a speech to the Advertisers Club on "Creative Imagination in Broadcasting." Branch officers are expected to attend.

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