" 'Alf a Liter, Luv"

There have been 16 ounces (Latin undo) to the English pound (Latin pondus) ever since the Romans invaded Britain MCMXXII years ago. The yard is 36 inches long because England's Henry I (1100-1135) decreed that it should equal the distance from a man's outstretched thumb to his nose. Indeed the whole British system of weights and measures is fraught with tradition, and for that reason it is frightfully hard to work with, as generations of British schoolchildren, agonizing over gills, pecks and rods, have learned.

The Continent uses the metric system, and adult Britons sometimes learn this by struggling futilely to adjust nuts scaled in centimeters on their stalled Volkswagens by using British wrenches that are built on inches. But help is on the way: the British government last week announced that over the next ten years Britain will convert to the metric system.

One advantage both at home and abroad is that the decimal base of the metric system makes it far easier to perform calculations. More important is the fact that Britain has its eyes on increased exports to Europe. In the past decade, the proportion of Britain's exports going to countries using the metric system, primarily in Europe, has risen from 40% to 50%. Even though the changeover will cost heavy industry, from machine tools to autos, millions in retooling expenses, businessmen were enthusiastic. The Association of British Chambers of Commerce maintained that it was "absolutely delighted."

For ordinary Britons, the switch will be far harder. No longer will a husky man weigh 15 stone but merely a pedantic 95.25 kilograms. A future Miss Universe might stack up on the telly at 91-56-89 (centimeters) instead of a somehow more appetizing 36-22-35 (inches). Bert and Alf will have to give up ordering a pint of mild or stout and order 'alf a liter instead, while the missus will have to shop for half a kilo of butter. And who, if he just misses being run down by a lorry, will feel like saying, "A miss is as good as 1.609 kilometers"?

Not surprisingly, the French, who first introduced the metric system after the Revolution, were delighted. Said Paris' Le Monde, almost kindly: "The fact that the British have given themselves exactly ten years to adopt the decimal system is a happy omen. Had they been true to form, one fears they would have given themselves a period more in conformity with their tradition of measurements, such as twelve years, six months and 14 1/2 days."

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