Drowning Out the Noise

Everything had been tried and everything had failed. Having spent $123 million on noise baffles for jet engines, the aircraft industry was still tormented by the angry voice of the public--and the public was still tormented by the angry voice of the jets overhead. "There's an anxiety neurosis abroad in the land," FAA Administrator Najeeb Halaby said darkly, "and that complicates the noise-abatement problem."

Then, observing that the dry martini is "viewed with almost reverent awe as a drink with unique power," science at last made a breakthrough: if the martini combats anxiety neurosis, as it does, what tonic would it be for jet noise? Acoustical engineers from Washington's Polysonics, Inc. threw up a simulated living room, filled it with the sound of jets taking off (at 80 decibels, which produces nuisance and anxiety), and assembled a "sound jury" composed of men between 30 and 44 with no special anxiety about noise--and none at all about martinis.

Research began when the scientists administered their medicine (formula: 1 3/4 oz. dry gin + 1/4 oz. vermouth + 1 olive). Tests ended "at saturation," when nobody cares. The conclusion: "A linear relationship of 2 db increase of tolerance per martini until the third cocktail became apparent. At this point, another physiological condition gradually occurs within the subject, causing the tolerance to increase on a cumulative basis of 4 db per cocktail until saturation."

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