That's a Joke, Son

MANNERS & MORALS

Some of the surefire laughs in The Best Man, an election-year play about good buys and bad guys in presidential politics, went over bigger than usual one night last week at Manhattan's Morosco Thea ter. Like the moment in the first act when Trumanesque "ex-President Hock-stader" assured a prospective presidential nominee: "And for another thing, you're a millionaire. People trust you rich boys. They figure you've got so much money of your own you won't go stealin' theirs." Or when fat "Senator Carlin" cracked:

"I suppose we ought to try for a Catholic --that seems to be the thing this year." As the laughter died, Carlin added: "For second place, that is."

Of all the people in that Broadway audience last week, no one seemed to be having a better time than the man in third row center: John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Luckily, Jack Kennedy can laugh at jokes about himself, his family and his religion--for such jokes were the U.S. rage last week. Among them: CJ Directions for making a "Kennedy quarter": take an ordinary 25-c- piece and some red fingernail polish or red crayon. Color George Washington's head down almost to the ear. Also color the lower part of Washington's neck, down to the coin's rim. The result: a passable likeness of Pope John XXIII.

P:How to make a Kennedy cocktail: three parts Old Fitzgerald, one part holy water, add a twist of Norman Vincent Peale.

P:Kennedy is planning to build chicken coops at the White House--a good place to raise friars. He is also sprinkling the White House lawn with bird seed--to provide for all the cardinals who will be flocking there.

P:Kennedy will revive F.D.R.'s old Fireside Chats to the nation on TV. He will call the series "Coast to Coast with the Holy Ghost."

P:Comment from a Michigan Republican: "I would have voted for Kennedy if I'd known he was going to send Soapy Williams to Africa."

P:In the White House, Jack Kennedy answers the phone, says, "Hello . . . Oh, hello, Father . . . Yes, Father . . . Certainly, Father . . . Goodbye, Father." As he hangs up. Wife Jackie asks: "Was that home or Rome?" P:It is in the early days of the Kennedy Administration. All is quiet in the subterranean war room of U.S. Defense Headquarters. Suddenly a light flashes on the desk of the top general on duty. He checks quickly, discovers that the Russians have just unleashed a flock of atomic missiles against the U.S. Instantly, the general grabs his "hot phone'' to the White House, snaps: "Mr. President! . . . Oh--well, get the President right away . . . Yes, but it's urgent! ... I said--What? . . . Oh, that's very nice--I mean--PLEASE! Get me the President ... I don't give a damn about diapers! I said get me your Daddy! . . . Caroline? . . . Caroline! . . . CAROLINE! . . ."

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