Nightingale? In Nashville, after being caught by police 50 feet up in a tree outside a nurses' quarters, Thomas E. Parker explained that he was just searching for a bird's nest.

Cop Sop. In San Diego, a police headquarters shop that sells coffee and doughnuts on the honor system reported its most successful month of the year--a loss of only $15.64.

Name Dropper. In Westmount, Que., after an embarrassing second thought, campaign workers hastily ripped down their posters urging: DON'T BE A DOCTOR

JEKYLL, VOTE FOR RICHARD HYDE.

Water Wings, Anyone? In Pittsburgh, the county park commission hired a lifeguard named Ronald Drown.

Queasy Street. In Grand Haven, Mich., a sewer-project workman on a quiet suburban street reported on the job at 7 a.m., yelled a cheery "Good morning, everybody." then opened up with his air hammer.

The Customer Is Always Right. In

Boulder, Colo., after inquiring politely, "Have you been taken care of. sir?", Manager Claude Meyers of the new Safeway supermarket was told "I sure have" by an unidentified customer who thereupon fled with a stolen $2,800.

Buddy Poppers. In Laredo, Texas, charged with pumping seven bullets into Reyes Ramirez and killing him, Tomas Morales Jr. told the jury, "I just wanted to scare him; he was my buddy."

Rearguard Action. In Ottawa, Ont., the police department requested extra-wide seats on the new motor scooters ordered for its 20 female traffic cops.

Out of Luck. In Nottingham, England, after stealing a porcelain Japanese luck charm from the house they were painting, Artisans Harry James and Douglas Harding took it to a nearby antique shop for appraisal, were arrested when the dealer turned out to be the home owner and theft victim.

Clean Sweep. In Richmond, Calif., after a night of tippling, seven vacuum-cleaner salesmen decided to stage a selling competition at 4:50 a.m., knocked on the door of John A. Penberthy, who dispersed them with three shots.

Thanks for Nothing. In Dillon, S.C., after running a far-out last in the four-man Democratic race for sheriff, Worth Elvington advertised in local newspapers, offering a $100 reward "for authentic information as to the names of the 13 people who voted for me at Lake View in Tuesday's primary. I would like to personally thank these people."

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