Amen. In Cedar Lake, Ind., in a 25-word-or-less essay contest on the subject, "How I Want My Wife to Dress for a Party," Winner Florian J. Heiser needed only one word: "Quickly."

Miss-hap. In Kampala, Uganda, the country's first "Miss Uganda" contest ended somewhat unhappily when one of the contestants had a miscarriage.

Bow Yow. Near Von Ormy, Texas, Bobby Yow reported to police that burglars had robbed his house of objects worth $150, plus an additional item of undetermined value: his watchdog.

Nobody But Nobody ... In New York City, a Gimbels advertisement labeled a "special purchase" set of stainless steel tableware as "imported American."

Hopsickles. In Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, Vendor Lyle Smith was fined $100 and banished from the town by Municipal Judge Edward O'Mahoney for selling beer from his Good Humor truck.

Paddy Poopers. In Bario, Sarawak, a plague of rice-ravaging rats and mice pooped out after the British Royal Air Force parachuted a platoon of cats into the area.

Windfall? In Topeka, Kans., after spading a hole in his backyard for use as a tornado hideaway, Grist Haydon was visited by a deputy tax assessor, who placed a value of $150 on the diggings.

Salad Days. In Los Angeles, Actress Estelita Rodriguez won a divorce from Alfonso Halfss when she testified that he was so stingy that he refused to let her buy cold cream, forced her to use olive oil on her face.

Ounce of Prevention. In Paris, officials alerted a rescue crew to stand by along the Seine to be ready in case a sightseeing boat, chartered by British and French chapters of the Large Girls Club, sank.

Yes'm. In Memphis, after being ordered by his teacher to swallow what he was chewing, Rangel Burks, 7, obliged, was taken to the hospital with a pencil stub in his stomach.

Fighting Fire with Fire. In New Dorp, Staten Island, the opening of a new $285,000 firehouse was held up when the Building Department discovered that the structure did not comply with city fire-safety requirements.

Pulling Out the Stops. In St. Louis, after his organist had begun a third run-through of a two-verse hymn, Pastor Marion F. Stuart of the Tyler Place Presbyterian Church hastily gave a call to prayer: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

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