Harder than Water. In Hartford, Conn., a state police sign warns motorists: "He who takes one for the road will get a trooper for a chaser."

The Latin Touch. In Rome, a magistrate ruled that petting in public, banned in Italy, is permissible if done in a car at night with all doors and windows closed --and outside city limits.

On Paper. In Toledo, a motorist paid a $1 traffic fine with 100 one-cent checks each costing 5-c- in bank charges, sent them by registered mail, dished out a total of $6.60.

Half & Half. In Woolwich, England, Barmaid Kathleen Kelly, fined $5.60 for selling watered-down whisky, admitted that she is a member of the Pioneer Total Abstainers League.

Time Exposure. In Memphis, Maud Webb, 63, won a divorce from West A. Webb, 66, father of her 18 children, after testifying that he had "harassed" her for 20 years.

Clipper Service. In Concord, Calif., James W. Brasher, 18, told police that he helped Barber Merrel Jackson Cline, 32, bomb another barber's nonunion shop after Cline promised him free haircuts for a year.

Keynote Address. In Denver, after Dentist Irvin R. Bertram told police that someone had stolen $60 from his safe, he received the money in a letter that said: "I am not a thief; thanks for the loan, pal. Next time see that your safe is locked."

Clean Cut. In Vineland, N. J., a disorderly-conduct charge against Jose Antonio Montes, 26, was dropped after his wife testified that she still loved him in spite of the fact that he had bashed her with a bottle of bleach.

Sense of Purpose. In Rockingham, N.C., Joanne Bullard, 22, got a six-month prison term for trying to smuggle two hacksaw blades to her husband in the county jail, along with a note saying: "Hurry home. Honey."

Toll Road. In Milwaukee, Embalmer Carl J. Suckow, 43, pleaded innocent to speeding charges because he was "on a death call," but Judge Frank Gregorski fined him $25 because there was "no need to hurry."

Customer Complaint. In Edinburg, Texas, Assistant District Attorney Oscar Mclnnes got a letter from a Hidalgo county jail prisoner complaining that he had no door key, there was no elevator service, electricity was shut off at 8 p.m., preventing him from using his electric razor, and "we never get any beans, which are a prerequisite for good health."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.