Grass Roots Sentiment. In Tampa, Fla., Francisco Alvarez was ordered by a court to get rid of his cow as a public nuisance, even though he produced three character witnesses who offered to testify to the cow's good behavior.

United Party. In Sunnyslope, Ariz., the Journal named the town's leading politician, Mrs. Edna McEwen, "Man of the Year."

Shifting Position. In Rochester, N.Y., Clarence A. Smith, 75, retired after 25 years as Monroe County manager, a job he voted against creating 25 years ago because "it gives one man too much power." Advertising Code. In Burlington, Colo., the Record ran a sales ad: "Several thingamabobs that look like, well, you know, those doobiddies that sit on the flingey-dingey. Very special price on these."

Going Straight. In Brisbane, Australia, former driving instructor Harry Webster has opened an all-night service for chauffeuring drunken drivers safely to their homes.

Budget Slash. In Monza, Italy, after leaving his horse tied for half a day without food or water, Pietro Nodari returned to give the beast an affectionate pat, got a bite that put him in the hospital for two weeks.

Name & Rank. In Norwich, Conn., a man who broke into the Veterans of Foreign Wars clubhouse and robbed the cigarette machine signed the guest book: "Burglar."

Ready to Sing. In Bowling Green, Ohio, two students caught breaking into the county courthouse explained: "We thought it was a church."

Cultural Exchange. In Memphis, prison officials at Shelby County Penal Farm grew suspicious of mountains of mail coming to the prison, discovered that some of the inmates were ordering their free bonuses from various book and record clubs and selling them to other prisoners.

Just Desserts. In Toledo, Ben Singer reported to police that someone had stolen his two 20-gallon garbage cans, both loaded.

The Wool Over His Eyes. In Rochester, N.Y., asked by Patrolman Joseph Verso why she was dangling a rope out of her window with a pair of white socks tied to the end of it, a housewife explained: "My husband spends all day in the barroom downstairs, and when I want him to come up, I dangle his socks in front of the barroom window."

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