A Whop for the Psyche

Parents who have been confused by conflicting advice from psychologists and guidance counselors on problems of child discipline--especially spanking--got commonsensible reassurance last week from the University of Chicago's Child Psychiatrist John F. Kenward, 46, father of two. Discipline, Dr. Kenward told the American Academy of Pediatrics, is not only necessary, but it should begin at home and in infancy.

The child must learn obedience for his own good and the good of those around him. But, Dr. Kenward emphasized, this does not mean that subjugation to authority is an end in itself. Far from making conformity and "adjustment" a way of life, it should actually foster individuality and prepare the child eventually to reject unreasonable authority. In any case, "the child who learns obedience to necessary and reasonable rules is a much happier and more secure child."

House Divided. What is necessary and reasonable? In deciding this, said Dr. Kenward, parents must use their own "good sense and courage." Society has vague and contradictory standards, and other factors work to undermine the parents' convictions and decisions. Furthermore, indecision wrecks discipline: "The child has an amazing ability to know when the parents are unsure. But parents often have a conflict between themselves. Little success can be expected unless mother and father agree on rules and present a united front."

Even the vexed and vexing period of adolescence is no exception. "Although the adolescent may rebel," Dr. Kenward said, "he feels much happier and more secure if someone helps to restrain his behavior. It can be comparatively painless if he has grown up with basic trust and a respect for wise authority."

To avoid prohibition and punishment whenever possible, Dr. Kenward suggested offering a substitute for hostile and aggressive behavior: a boy can work out on a punching bag instead of hitting baby brother. But when devices such as this are not practicable, parents should not hesitate to use the word "No," and use physical means to enforce it if necessary. "Unequivocal firmness leads to far less trouble than hedging. Giving in to a child's tantrums or unreasonable whims leads only to more difficulty. On the other hand, some parents are fearful of the child and fear they will lose the upper hand, so they say 'No' to everything. This breeds rebellion and weakens authority. 'No' should be saved for the times when the parent really means it."

Without Guilt. When punishment is necessary to enforce an order, the most desirable kind, said Dr. Kenward, is to turn the misbehavior itself into a weapon. A girl who likes neat clothes but refuses to hang them up will eventually get tired of wearing wrinkled dresses. If a child steals, he must make restitution. Next obvious stage in punishment is depriving the child of privileges.

But spanking still has its place as a last resort. "There may well be circumstances," said Dr. Kenward, "when a good whop on the behind works wonders, after all other methods have been used and the child is still not convinced that the parent is serious. Used this way, it does not harm the psyche." And parents need not feel guilty about administering punishment: "Good discipline is for the child's benefit and the parent need not apologize."

Granting that much of what he said would sound like heresy to the far-out, permissive schools, Dr. Kenward concluded: "Parents should not be afraid to be human, have faith in their considered judgment, and act upon it without worrying too much about the child's psyche."

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