Stable Character. In Leamington, England, when neighbors complained about the horse in her home, Mrs. Bridie O'Hare indignantly objected: "He only into drops in the kitchen occasionally to have a drink of water."

Upbeat. In San Francisco, a housewife a chiropractor and an inventor were convicted of falsely advertising a cancer-cure machine that plays Smoke Gets in Yo Eyes while it operates.

Bold Type. In Santa Fe, N. Mex., man phoned the New Mexican to ask that his engagement notice be withdrawn, was told that the item had already gone press, remarked philosophically: "Oh we I guess I'll marry her then."

Matter of Focus. In Tavistock, England, fined $5.60 for ignoring a cop's traffic signal, Leslie Seiville explained: didn't see any signal. I was looking for an optician."

Merger. In North Wilkesboro, N.C. federal agents no sooner stopped a car and found 20 cases of bootleg whisky in it than another car roared around the bend, smashed into the first, was found to be carrying 14 cases of moonshine.

Without Starch. In Denver while awaiting investigation for burglary in the county jail, Bernadine Maes had two inmates put her in an outgoing laund bag, traveled for a bumpy half hour the back of a truck, was delivered to the city jail.

Assisted Take-Off. In Cleveland, when his wife crashed through a closed bedroom window and landed in the shrubbery two floors below, Roland Boomer explained: "I just tickled her."

Slippery Customer. In Castle Rock, Colo., hair oil was banned for prisoners the Douglas County jail after Isaac Debaca smeared his body with lotion, tried to squeeze out between the bars of his cell.

Off the Scent. In Fukuoka, Japan, city education officials polled husbands to find what they most wanted from their wives, got a majority answer: "They should stop smelling like Japanese pickles."

Along for the Ride. In Salt Lake City, Mrs. Mary Buie heard prowlers outside led her watchdog to the back door, set him on the intruders but forgot to let go of the leash, broke her arm when the dog lunged.

Playing Politics. In Eastchester, N.Y., unhappy with the Liberal Party primal candidates for city supervisor, Bernar Friedlander wrote in the name of his son Matthew, urged his brother and mother to do the same, saw four-year-old Matthe win the election by a 2-to-1 margin.

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