Out of the Cracker. In Modesto, Calif., Filbert Brazil, weary of playing the nut of the joke, changed his name to Gilbert Brazil.

The Lost Cord. In Bonisdorf, Austria, Buergermeister Rudolf Schadl inspected 4 cubic meters of firewood cut on village land, returned the next day to find the woodpile still neatly stacked--but 32 feet away, in Yugoslavia.

Mr. Keen. In Memphis, Woodrow Beamer, on the wanted list for attempted murder, was arrested when he tried to get a driver's license in the police identification bureau.

Better Off B4. In London, a chap wrote to the Ministry of Health about his hearing aid, was told in reply that any future questions should refer to "IV( V) ( 1)/RHB5/19/2C/219.SR."

Green Thumb. In Detroit, police found longtime Drug Addict J. Papp standing on the grass in the center strip of the Willow Run Expressway holding a shovel, some fertilizer, and a cigarette package full of marijuana seeds.

Sundae Punch. In Ocean Ridge, Fla., told to get a permit or stop vending on the Boynton Inlet docks, Ice Cream Peddler C. R. Wilson threw a left jab, broke the police chief's nose in four places.

Steeple Chaser. In Taunton, England, after John Tempeman scaled a 180-ft. church spire, police who removed him found that he was so drunk he could not stand up without help.

Monitors. In Jacksonville, Fla., three men broke into a railroad boxcar, stole five television sets and a case of coffee.

Primary Question. In Marion, Iowa, D. H. Smith announced that he would be a candidate for state senator, said that he had not yet decided whether to run as a Republican or a Democrat.

Qualification for Office. In Komensky, Wis., after being elected town constable, Joe Payer had to put off assuming the duties of his new office until he served a stretch in the state pen for breaking and entering into a filling-station.

Alarmed. In London, one reason why the Ministry of Transport and Civil Aviation refused Pan American World Airways permission to schedule 1:30 a.m. jet take-offs was that citizens of Longford --a town in direct line with London Airport's No. 1 runway--had threatened to make regular 1 :30 a.m. phone calls to the Minister of Transport, airport executives and others, saying: "Good morning, did I wake you up?"

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.