Esprit de Cortege. In Memphis, anxious to save time, Motorist Tom Kimbrough switched on his lights, joined a funeral procession, rolled steadily through red lights, eventually tried to turn into a side street, heard the voice of the law behind him ("Hey, buddy. Back in line. You joined the procession. Now stay in it"), ended up in the cemetery, where the cop made him stay for the services.

Drive-In. In Anderson, Ind., the Beeman Gravel Co. bought space in the Bulletin, to say: "All persons using our drive as a lovers' lane, kindly observe these rules: participants park on the right,, spectators on the left . . ."

Varnish Off. Near Santa Rosa, Calif., a sign by the Redwood Highway says: WE BUY JUNK--SELL ANTIQUES.

Nothing but the Truth. In Bognor Regis, England, E. T. Ghitty was tried for stealing, won an acquittal, was caught walking out with the courtroom Bible.

Communeshine. In Savin, Russia, according to the Soviet newspaper Literature and Life, several comrades were accused of making bathtub vodka in the communal bathhouse.

Bar Association. In Dallas, when Charles Crouch was on trial for drunken driving, Prosecutor Paul W. Leech tried to trap him by asking, "Did you see me at the party?", and Crouch answered: "I saw one drunk. Was that you?"

Bald Up. In Rome, lured by reports that an American movie director wanted bald actors, twelve men shaved their heads Brynner-bare, learned too late that they had fallen for a practical joke.

Without a Hitch. In Los Angeles, the Rev. Charles Mundell was about to perform a marriage ceremony when the bridegroom stuck him up for $52, disappeared with fiancee in tow.

Chain Reaction. In Bari, Italy, a passing transport plane accidentally dropped a mile of steel links on Giuseppe Patrono's olive orchard, started rumors of a Martian invasion.

No Place to Hide. In Cheektowaga, N.Y., after $10,000 was found in a paper bag in a vacant lot, the money was claimed by Mary Panek, 65, who explained: "I was going away for a few days and didn't want to leave it in the house."

C. & O.B. In Bombay, India, R. T. Sahni, divisional superintendent of the Central Railway System, said that one reason why trains on the Nagpur division are so frequently behind schedule is that approximately 180 babies are born in them each year.

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