Bell's Kitchen. In Carolina Beach, N.C., police ordered a vacationer to remove his stored food and cooking equipment and stop cooking his meals in a phone booth.

Live & Let. In Glendale, Calif., an ad in the News-Press offered for $65 a ''nicely furnished bachelor, one child O.K."

Manchudini. In Taipei, Formosa, when police came to investigate reports of the fraudulent activities of Yang Yung-wei, Yang politely asked them to be seated, and--when they were comfortably settled--stepped quickly out of the room, locking the door behind him.

Sticky Fin. In Kenora, Ont., Ice Fisherman Oscar Boivin had no luck with minnows, stuck a marshmallow on his hook and pulled in a 14-lb. lake trout.

Breathtaking. In Cagliari. Sardinia, Mario Mamelli went to the city hall for a new identity card, was told that he had been officially dead for 19 years and was breaking the law by remaining alive.

Quid Gloves. In London, Scotland Yard discreetly looked into the matter of a counterfeit -L-1 note that turned up in the bar of the House of Commons.

Low Mileage. In Sparta, Wis., Dealer William Laxton, trying to sell a used TV set to a customer, said: "Now here's a set in excellent condition. It was owned by a little old lady with weak eyes."

Nod & Gun. In Miami, Eugibio Vargas went to sleep holding a pistol, dreamed that he was being attacked, awoke to find that he had shot himself in the left hand and leg.

Erin Grievances. In Milwaukee, Robert D. Sullivan lost a primary election for a civil judgeship by 2,954 votes, two days later fulfilled a previously made commitment to lecture the West Allis Kiwanis Club on "The Luck of the Irish."

Catnapers. In Ribeirao Preto, Brazil, thieves stole two 300-lb. jaguars from the municipal zoo.

Moo Shine. In Anson County, N.C., Police Chief Fred Hyatt stopped a man with a satchel on his back, asked to see the contents, was refused, then, feeling certain that he had caught a bootlegger, sent to town for a search warrant, opened the satchel, found half a gallon of milk.

The Lower Depths. In Columbus, the Ohio Penitentiary News published an editorial denouncing intramural thefts of razors, shaving lotion, a Parker "51" pen, deodorant sticks, chopped ham, talcum powder, radio plugs, shave sticks and a pair of gloves, said: "We are appealing to each inmate to help eliminate these low-type characters that are in our midst."

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