Joiner's Rejoinders

Promptly at 3 o'clock one afternoon last week, Ernest Joiner, 47, editor of the weekly Ralls, Texas Banner (circ. 1,175), planted a cigar beneath his mustache, wrapped a grimy printer's apron about his waist and flipped the switch on the old flatbed press. As the first ink-wet copies of the Banner began to roll, it seemed much like the press run of any of thousands of other small-town U.S. papers. It wasn't. If last week's edition ran true to form, Editor Joiner's own column in the Banner would be excerpted or reprinted in full in much larger Southwestern newspapers. The reason: Ernest Joiner, as one of the most outspokenly devil-take-the-hindmost editors in the U.S., is always quotable, often blurts out the sentiments that the larger papers would like to say on their own but dare not. Excerpts from some of Joiner's rejoinders:

On Timid Newspapers: "This is the age of the weaseling phrase. A low-down stinking insurance executive who makes off with the life savings of his customers is, in newspaper wording, the 'head of a crumbling financial empire.' A two-legged s.o.b. may be questioned in terms of his casual canine heredity, but he must never be called the s.o.b. he is."

On Sermons: "Those who have expressed concern over the editor's apparent lack of reverence will be prostrate with joy to learn that he acquired a new Bible last week. It cost $34.95, has 773,692 words in it, and it is such interesting reading we are considering asking ministers of our acquaintance to base a Sunday sermon on it one day when there is a lull upon the congregation from an overdose of economics, labor statistics, soil conservation, politics and the lagging subscription campaign for a bigger church."

On Home-Town Morals (after Ralls moviegoers traveled 32 miles to Lubbock to see a Brigitte Bardot movie): "They wouldn't be caught dead attending it in Ralls. Rallsites take their movies like they take their liquor--out of town. That way, nobody gets contaminated and all the kids remain vestal virgins."

On a "Banner" Price Hike: "We're not apologizing for the rate increase. We don't recall that our favorite grocer knocked himself out explaining when our favorite 46-oz. can of tomato juice jumped from 19-c- two years ago to 36-c- as of today. There's nothing prohibitive about $4 a year for a home-town newspaper. That's about 7 1/2 -c- a copy. About half our readers loll around coffee shops swilling from four to twelve cups of 10-c- coffee every day. They shouldn't squawk about paying the price of one cup of coffee for what we work all week to produce, and to improve their minds with our version of whatinell's happening."

On Bias: "Last week we printed the honor roll for the colored school. A couple of characters gave birth to a two-headed calf, sideways, when they read it. Our opinion is that colored students, with three strikes against them on books, equipment and the facilities for study, are to be commended above a lot of white children we know who can't make an honor roll with the best of instruction and educational facilities. We think effort should be recognized. We think news should be printed. If these two convictions of ours soil the lily-white hands and Christian consciences of a handful of bigoted Klu Kluckers, they are invited to get the hell off our subscription list."

On Integration: "I think we can have integration as far as politics and human rights go without getting in bed with Negroes. I don't think anybody ever got pregnant by drinking out of the same water fountain."

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