Crossing the Bar. In Wichita, Kans., John C. Shears got into a knife fight, was shot in the back as he was leaving the Live and Let Live Cafe.

Too Khaki. At Fort Jackson, S.C., while Private Lawrence E. Mayberry was being considered for an outstanding-trainee award, authorities discovered that he had enlisted in the Army while AWOL from -the Marine Corps.

Undercover Agent. In Moradabad, India, when police spotted and arrested an "Eve Teaser" (a man who makes romantic advances to veiled and shrouded Moslem women), the lady begged that her molester be set free, overcame police refusals when she lifted her veil and revealed herself as the man's wife.

Senior Partner. In Djakarta, Indonesia, the National Organization of Policemen's Wives decided to restrict its membership to one wife per cop.

Partisan. In Buffalo, Judge John F. Dwyer, a newcomer to the bench, jumped to his feet when a lawyer tried to get a witness to testify from a paper not in evidence, shouted "I object," then blushingly sat down as he realized he was no longer the D.A.

Assault With Battery. In Alexandria, Egypt, Judge Roushdy Abaza dismissed charges against nine couples accused of kissing in a theater, because a policeman had illegally used a flashlight to catch them.

True Faced. In Ottawa, an army cadet filled in a questionnaire that asked what he thought were his best and worst qualities, described himself as an "honest, fair, well-liked liar."

Grin Mates. In South Walpole, Mass., the convicts' newspaper at the state prison advised prisoners to keep smiling: "It'll make all the guards wonder what you've been up to."

Foiled Carats. In Milan, Italy, Gastone Sainati tried unsuccessfully to kill himself by swallowing a pair of his wife's earrings, his own wedding ring and wrist watch.

Keystoned. In Redcliff, Alta., where there is a two-man police force, Constable Art Reiger submitted a detailed complaint to the town council including charges (later dismissed) that Police Chief Joseph Cartmell was not only uncooperative but also generally disliked by the public, had swiped police equipment (pencils, a pair of coveralls, a .22 rifle), had acted illegally as justice of the peace, and had used up all the oxygen in two Civil Defense resuscitator tanks to clear his hangovers.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.