SOVIET JOKES

In his Main Street, U.S.S.R., Irving Levine relates the jokes told in Moscow by and about Russians. Some of them:

A Russian, meeting an American tourist carrying a transistor radio, says: "We have those too.'' and then adds: "What is it?"

Asked whether gum is manufactured in the Soviet Union, a Russian grins and replies: "No, we Communists consider that to chew without swallowing is unproductive."

The newspaper Pravda is running a contest for the best political joke. First prize: 20 years.

Lenin is supposed to have remarked that there could be any number of political parties in the Soviet Union but only on one condition: the Communist Party must be in power and all the other parties must be in jail.

A Soviet citizen died, and the Devil gave him a choice of going to the Communist or the capitalist Hell. Unhesitatingly he chose the Communist "because there is certain to be a fuel shortage in that sector."

"Soon we will be able to travel to Mars, to Pluto, to Venus," a professor told his Russian students. "Are there any questions?" A student in the back of the class raised his hand. ''When," he asked, "can we travel to Vienna?"

All foreigners in Russia fear that microphones will be hidden in their bedrooms. The fiancee of a diplomat became so worried about this invasion of privacy that she consulted a psychiatrist. "I'd suggest," said the practical doctor, "that when you make love, you simply do so quietly."

A Russian was convicted by a Soviet court of having called the Minister of Culture a fool. He got a 20-year sentence: five years for slander and 15 for revealing a state secret.

A Soviet dignitary returned from Copenhagen and reported that economic conditions were very bad in Denmark. Surprised, one listener pointed out that Danish store windows were full of goods. "Oh. yes," conceded the Communist, "but the Danish people have no money to buy. There were no lines in front of the stores."

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