Scratched. In Sydney, Australia, Norma Mary Dan, 33, won a divorce after testifying that her husband had poured itching powder on her bed several times, doused her clothes in acid "so that they just fell apart as I moved."

Bill of Wading. In Hattiesburg, Miss., during the city's worst flash flood in years, a mailman sloshed into a flooded filling station, handed Operator Paul Shows his monthly water bill.

Overdue. In St. Louis, the privately owned Mercantile Library doubled its annual user's fee to $10 per person, the first increase in charges since it was founded 112 years ago.

Sweet Smell of Excess. In Chicago, after eight successful burglaries of two candy stores, Wardell Sharpe, 34, was caught on his ninth try, explained that he kept going back because the shops were convenient to his home.

Past Perfect. In Sheringham, England, Student Roderick Saunders failed to show up at the Sheringham Secondary Modern School on the day he was to receive a prize for perfect attendance during the previous term.

Dawn's Early Blight. In Naples, a watchmaker applied for a patent on an alarm clock for stubborn sleepers which, if not turned off after the first normal rings, starts an electronic tape featuring the continuous honking of a car horn, the prolonged barking of a dog, several pistol shots followed by a cannon's boom.

Casehardened. In Gateshead, England, after his arrest for drunken driving, James Scott admitted under oath that he had downed 13 pints of beer on the night he was arrested, argued that "it would take 15 pints to put me under the influence," was acquitted when a police sergeant testified that Scott was "well used to taking drink."

Loot Song. In Sydney, Australia, police, after finding a traffic summons with his name and address on it inside a burglarized garage, nabbed Brian William Quinn, 22, who pleaded guilty to the robbery, explained: "I must have dropped the summons when I took out my handkerchief to wipe off my fingerprints."

Pen Pals. In Tuscumbia, Ala., Prisoner Herman Byrd cut through the jail wall on his second escape try in three weeks, left a note to Sheriff Raymond Wheeler: "Gone again, Raymond old buddy, I hate to do this but it looks like I have got to go. I hope to have better luck this time," clambered through his hole, surrendered to deputies who had heard him hacking away and were waiting on the spot.

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