Headmaster. In Memphis, General Sessions Judge Heard Sutton ordered a 26-year-old man not to strike his wife, "or so much as to raise your hand to stir a wind that might blow her hair."

Postscript. In El Paso, angered when his girl friend refused to give him $20, Emilio Sanchez, 29, tipped off the Secret Service that she had forged and cashed a Government check that he had stolen while working in the post office.

Return Stamp. In Indianapolis, Hold-up Man Kenneth Dunville, 51, was easily captured after he stole $126, a wristwatch and a ring from a druggist, ordered his victim to drive down Bellefontaine Street, remarked as he jumped out of the car: "I live down here, at 1826."

Egocentric. In the South Pole region, U.S. Navy scientists and personnel dubiously eyed the one cracked egg included in the crated supplies dropped by Air Force parachute, then discovered a penciled message: "This egg cracked before we dropped it. Air Force.''

Burned Child. In Milwaukee, Willie Winfrey, 33, charged with nonsupport of his divorced wife and three children, told police that he had tried to keep out of her way ever since a 1955 argument with her: "I was scared to go near her because she shot me.''

Paper Clipped. In La Grange, Ga., Barber E. L. Lane advertised in the News that he "wanted my past, future and present customers to know that from this date on, I will not try to cut duck tails, pony tails, pushups, Elvis Presleys or any new haircuts that are shown on TV or movies."

Undercurrent. In Phoenix, Justice of the Peace Al J. Flood asked a defendant charged with disturbing the peace if he had ever threatened to kill his wife, was told that "we've been married 20 years and I've never tried to kill her," found him not guilty after he added: "I've felt like it several times, though.''

Blended Spirit. In Launceston, Tasmania, after police caught Minister for Police Charles Aylett drinking in a bar after hours, he was fined $5 in spite of his contention that "Parliament makes laws to cover extreme cases, but Parliament always considers that the law will be administered with discretion."

Courtly Motion. In Chicago, Judge William E. Helander wearily listened as an irate telephone subscriber sued the Illinois Bell Telephone Co. for charging $5 to change his phone from one color to another, became irked when the controversy developed into a long-winded session, finally reached into his own pocket, put a $5 bill on the desk for the telephone company, ruled the case closed.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.