Brand Name. In El Paso, Edsel D. Ford bought a 1957 Plymouth Suburban.

Closed Cupboard. In Gulfport, Miss., the city council considered a proposal that would prohibit the landing of "any mysterious objects within the city limits."

Timesaver. In Milan, Italy, James Lorenzi, 68. swiped a clock from a jewelry store, had almost made his getaway when the alarm went off.

Freewheeling. In Davenport, Iowa, the hub caps stolen from Leonard Grutzmacher's car were returned to him with a note reading: "Sorry, these aren't the right size."

Do Unto Others. In Sagamore Hills, Ohio, after Mrs. S. S. Zabukovic said she didn't want any and closed the door in his face, a Bible salesman picked up an ax, chopped the door into splinters.

Square Shake. In Cincinnati, nabbed by policemen who saw him driving his car with no hands, Willie Rosco Burnett, 23, explained to the judge that he was using his hands to show his girl friend how to do the chords to All Shook Up on his guitar.

Hot Seat. In Ahoskie, N.C., after city officials bought a dozen pairs of yellow plastic rain pants for the fire department, Chief J. D. Linkous noticed that inside each pair was a tag reading: "Do not use near heat."

Papermate. In Tucson, Ariz., Patrolman William Anderson started to write out a ticket when he noticed the words "i am in cort" (sic) scribbled on a piece of paper on the windshield, left the ticket with another note: "I am in the street."

Mother's Little Helper. In Fresno, Calif., Mrs. Lillian Dennis, mother of six, explained to police that she taught her ten-year-old son to steal money for everyday needs because if she did it herself, she might end up in jail and there would be no one to look after the children.

Revival. In Rutherfordton, N.C., Eugene W. Smith, 28, was charged with three counts of assault and one for disturbing worship after he stormed into the Second Baptist Church on a Sunday morning, smacked the bell ringer for waking him up.

Farewell to Alms. In Fullerton, Calif., Car Salesman Robert W. Huff, 30, charged with bilking seven Baptist churches of some $93,000 worth of building bonds, explained that he had to finance his trips to Las Vegas dice tables in order to win money to keep up payments on his new Cadillac, yacht, house trailer and jeep, told police he got the "gambling fever" after "I started pitching quarters."

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