Pay TV. In London, Scotland Yard cautioned city dwellers that some of the biggest of the city's 2,500 burglaries which occurred in the last three months, had been carried out while the victims were present and awake--watching TV.

Have Wit, Will Fit. In Manhattan, a college grad advertised in the New York Times for a job, listed his qualifications: "Have Brain, Will Train."

Red-Handed. In Detroit, Lawrence Mish was nabbed for turning in a false alarm from a newly painted fire box when a fireman spotted him trying to wipe red paint off his hands.

Return Match. In Knoxville, Tenn., Mrs. Flora Cosetta Smith Cooper filed suit for divorce, charging that her husband broke up with a girl friend one day, married Flora the next, went back to his girl friend the next.

Frozen Assets. In Los Angeles, after his best loaf of whole-wheat nut bread won only third prize at last year's county fair, Antique Dealer Streeter Blair. 69, froze his second best loaf, presented it this year, won first prize.

Free Enterprise. In Baltimore, after James Hipsley. 69, told a judge that he had no job--"I live off the city"--and the judge asked "How do you do that?" as he handed out a three-month jail term for vagrancy. Hipsley replied with conviction: "That's how."

Follow the Leader. In Port Washington, Wis., city employees were administered their Asian-flu vaccinations in order of their importance to the community: garbage detail, rubbish sweepers, waterworks employees, sewage-disposal-plant worker, mayor, aldermen.

Guard Interference. In Des Moines, the lucky winner of the Register's "You Pick 'Em" football-score contest, for which he received two free 50-yard-line tickets to the Iowa-Wisconsin football game, was Fort Madison (Iowa) Penitentiary Prisoner No. 24,633.

Hot Seat. In Oklahoma City, after suspected Shoplifter Elmo Dolling Jr. eluded two store clerks, raced two blocks by foot and dashed into an office building for refuge, he dropped into a chair, exhausted and out of breath, discovered Loo late that he was sitting in the sheriff's office interrogation room.

Lip Service. In Norwalk, Ohio, a jury awarded $16,666 damages to Railroad Brakeman Ellis Dotson, 44, after his chagrined wife complained that a railroad accident impaired his ability to work on their farm, caused an impediment in his speech, and "that's not so bad, he can't kiss the way he used to."

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