Family Outing. In Kingsport, Tenn., when cops refused to arrest Edgar Spears because, in his own house, he was not a "public drunk," they carried him off after his two sons dragged him to the street.

Not Fare. In Detroit, Cabby Roscoe Damron, 60, heard his passenger mumble "something about having no money," pulled up to a police station, went in to fetch help, returned to find no cab.

Locked-in Value. In St. Joseph, Mo., after Assistant Postmaster Everett C. Howard tried for two weeks to give away an antiquated safe, he lost his patience, advertised for bids, sold it for $66.

School Spirit. In Waukesha, Wis., two teen-age boys admitted that they had stolen $3.50 from the poor box of St. Joseph's Roman Catholic Church, then spent it at the church's festival to raise funds for a school addition.

Misplaced Trust. In Oswego, Kans., after he lost his keys and was robbed of $942, Labette County Sheriff J. E. Morrow installed new locks on his office doors, commented in an injured tone: "What bothers me most is that I have a thief in my jail."

Orderly Man. In Manhattan, after he nabbed a thief lifting a wallet from a sleeping passenger's pocket and chalked up his 181st arrest, all of which resulted in convictions, Subway Conductor William J. O'Donnell, 47, said: "I don't want anything to happen on my trains."

Law Suit. In Miles City, Mont., a gun-toting, billy-waving, uniformed bogus patrolman halted motorists, demanded cash bonds for imaginary violations, brushed off requests for receipts by saying that fines are not deductible for income tax purposes.

Preservation Problem. In Milwaukee, after Tavern Owner Edwin Andrzejewski, 42, indignantly affirmed that the drinks on his bar were leftovers from the day before, he was booked for selling liquor on election day when he failed to answer a policeman's question: "The ice cubes too?"

A Woman's Secret. In Columbus, Ohio, after police, alerted by suspicious merchants, followed Catherine Clegg, 34, found in her car and in a trick skirt, a chicken, two pounds of butter, a small ham, oranges, a package of chopped beef, a pound of perch, a pound of bacon, a steak, a box of Kleenex, a bottle of milk of magnesia, two kinds of toilet soap, two bottles of headache tablets, a couple of combs, a bottle of shampoo and two kinds of hair bleach--almost none of which had been paid for--she explained: "I didn't pay for the bleach because I didn't want my friends to know I bleach my hair."

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