Les Sylphides. In Winnipeg, after he quit as ballet master of the Royal Winnipeg Ballet because a danseuse was given too much authority, Nenad Lhotka got a job in the city's railway sheds, observed that lifting freight is "nothing compared to some of those ballerinas."

Tonight or Never. In Chicago, police jugged Herman Nolte on his wedding night after he celebrated by firing his shotgun from his front porch, stealing the squad car when cops turned up to investigate.

Pistol Stop. In Mexico City, after being arrested for shooting and wounding a streetcar motorman, Carlos Esparza Perez explained that the motorman drove past his corner without letting him off.

Alimentary Defense. In Chillicothe, Ohio, after a judge fined him $25 for reckless driving and revoked his license for 30 days, 81-year-old William R. Lowrey grudgingly surrendered the license to a bailiff, later snatched it back and sprinted away, was hauled back before the judge and ordered to produce the license, drew two days in jail for contempt of court when he boasted: "I ate it."

Stir Until Done. In Columbus, Ohio, released unexpectedly after serving a 30-day jail term for being drunk. Stanley James Van Sky remembered that he still had to serve ten days for contempt of court, got sozzled puzzling about it, took his problem to reporters who checked with police, who jugged him again for drunkenness while matters were being straightened out.

Rematch. In Paterson, N.J., after police tagged him for speeding, John Kamenchuk climbed back into his car, yelled, "Let's see you catch me now," collected another speeding ticket and a charge of being disorderly after an 85-m.p.h. chase.

The Long Voyage Home. In Shelburne Falls, Mass., after he had raided the Shelburne Falls V.F.W. Club on six separate nights, made off with a total of $820. George H. Upton decided that his usual route to the club had become too risky, swam 400 ft. across the Deerfield River, clambered up a steep bank, found nothing else to steal in the clubhouse, spotted a dime that post officials had pasted on the wall "for the convenience of robbers." used it to call police, dejectedly swam back across the river, gave himself up.

And a Good Judge Too. In Dearborn, Mich., confronted with three unpaid parking tickets, Associate Municipal Judge John T. McWilliams tried his own case, found himself guilty on two counts, gave himself the choice of a $10 fine or two days in jail, paid the fine, contested the third ticket, upheld his arguments, dismissed the charge.

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