$128 Bust

By every known measuring stick, the $64,000 Question is the nation's No. 1 TV show. Every Tuesday night some 13 million Americans forgo reading, bypass the movies and other forms of entertainment to watch a carefully picked group of eccentric specialists give everyone a vicarious feeling of cupidity. Last week promoters of the show tried to lure a bigger audience than ever with newspaper ads to ballyhoo a mysterious "world-famous guest." As the guest walked front and center, the announcer intoned: "Our next guest on the golden threshold of the $64,000 Question is from Suffolk, England: Mr. Randolph Churchill." After wild applause, Master of Ceremonies Hal March moved in: Hal: What do you do for a living?

Randy: I write books and articles.

Hal (coyly): How about your father? What does he do?

Randy (coyly): He is retired now.

Hal (coyly, and smirking a bit): What did he do before he retired?

Randy (coyly): Oh, he was in the army and later he was quite a successful war correspondent. Then he went into politics . . . and started dabbling in painting.

Hal (earnestly, and still coyly): How did he do--in politics, I mean?

Randy (coyly): He had a lot of ups and downs; then he made quite a success at it--particularly against that fellow Hitler. Also, he's written some books . . .

Hal: Well, say hello to Pop.

Never before had Question permitted such a heavily advertised star on the premises. Randolph Frederick Edward Spencer Churchill is 45, greying, a choleric soldier of fortune, ladies' club lecturer, sometime correspondent for the London Evening Standard and only son of Sir Winston. "And now," said Hal March, "the time has come to play the game." Big Game-Player Churchill picked his favorite category: No. 6--the English language.

Hal: Here's the first question: Many personal names have passed into our language. For example, the Catling gun is named for Dr. R. J. Catling, its inventor. I will describe a number of incidents or persons. You tell me what word in our language derives from each of them. For $64--a certain English nobleman was so absorbed in gambling that he would not leave the table in order to eat.

Randy (triumphantly): SANDWICH! (wild applause).

Hal: You're right for $64. Now for $128. The land agent of the Earl of Erne in County Mayo in 1880 was so tyrannical that the people banded together and refused to have any dealings with him. What word comes from this?

Randy (squirming): Can you put it any better? Er . . .a soldier . . . er . . .

Hal: He was a land agent.

Randy (scowling): Yes, I know, Lord Erne. It's a word like "send to Coventry," but it seems to be escaping me. Can you give me a clue?

Hal (desperate): Well, the only clue I can give you is that it's something people do to other people or nations do to other nations. It's--I might even be misleading you--it's also a verb. It's something that takes place on a nation . . .

Hostess (interrupting): There isn't enough time to finish this sequence.

Hal (sympathetically): Mr. Churchill, I'm certainly . . .

Randy: How humiliating!

Hal: It's BOYCOTT!

Randy: But of course . . . I'm having a complete blackout of it at the moment.

Hal: Well, that won't happen again.

And it didn't. Though March broke the program's rules by inviting Churchill back for another turn, Producer Steve Carlin had the last word: "There's no excuse for it. I was watching at home and had a quiet hemorrhage. Mr. Churchill is disqualified."

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