Voter's Choice. In Montreal, after being ticketed for failing to signal a left turn, a motorist explained to the cops that it was all because of the provincial elections: "I was afraid that if I put my hand out the window some candidate would run over and shake it."

Too Many Croutons? In Malibu, Calif., arrested in the fashionable Holiday House restaurant after pulling a knife on Chef Carlos Hernandez, slashing the wrist of a dishwasher, hurling a pot of hot coffee that struck a second dishwasher, Waiter John C. Burton explained to police that he was upset over the way Hernandez was mixing a Caesar salad.

Anxious to Please. In Barcelona, Spain, the local papers carried a classified ad: "Intelligent servant seeks house with small family, no children, preferably with couple, if they are responsible, trustworthy and in good health. Prefer place outside Barcelona in mountains with pine forest, at altitude 600 to 800 meters. Don't know how to cook, preferable if housewife does cooking."

Timber Topper. In Jacksonville, figuring it was only a matter of time before a large, diseased magnolia tree in his yard would fall on the house, Walter Rivers hired a crane to uproot it, watched mutely as the crane slipped, sent the tree crashing through his roof.

Spare. In Cleveland, Frank T. Doane, 43, asked the Court of Common Pleas to order his wife not to bowl more than one night a week, complained that she considers herself too expert to play with him and that she spends four nights a week in the alleys, driven by the "unreasonable obsession" that she will one day be national women's champion.

Spectator Sport. In Chicago, after detectives uncovered a .44-caliber revolver, 100 bullets, eleven daggers, three switchblade knives, lock-picking tools, a lock puller and a tear-gas gun in the back of his car, Harry Owens explained: "My hobby is shooting. I throw daggers and knives to amuse myself. I studied locksmithing, and I like to watch people cry."

The Power of Positive Suggestion. In

Fargo, N. Dak., minutes after Mrs. Garner Halvorson had finished singing "Bless these walls, so firm and stout" in the Plymouth Congregational Church, the plaster fell from the walk and part of the basement ceiling crashed to the floor.

Point of View. In Plainview, Tex., after she was ticketed for backing out of a parking space into an oncoming car, Housewife Sarah Ona Baxter told the judge: "I think it's a crying shame that you give me a ticket and not the man I hit. He could see me backing out a lot better than I could see him."

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