Life with Father. In Toledo, nervously sitting on the edge of his wife's hospital bed awaiting the birth of their first child, 200-lb. Policeman Melvin Breitner fainted and fell off the bed, broke his ankle, gashed a nine-stitch wound in his head.

Wishful Drinking. In Nowata, Okla., Robert B. Hill was held for trial on a drunk-driving charge despite his protest that the liquor was administered after the accident by a stranger who found him pinned beneath his car, poured whisky down his throat to ease his suffering.

Point of Honor. In Sacramento, after police picked him up as a Peeping-Tom suspect on a woman's complaint, Donald Erby indignantly denied the charge: "I was waiting for the old lady to go to bed so I could steal her car."

Beginner's Luck. In Lewistown, Pa., arrested for driving without a license, Hurley Treaster, 50, was sentenced to three to six months in jail after he proudly told police that he hadn't used one since 1922.

Days at the Races. In Los Angeles, granted a divorce after she testified that her estranged husband neglected his family by spending so much time and money on his five cars (a 1924 Maxwell, a custom-built Pinard, a 1952 Willys, a 1953 Morgan, a 1954 Packard), Mrs. Edith Thompson moaned in court: "Your Honor, I'm a sports-car widow."

Self-Starter. In Limington, Me., while hanging up the sign for the local Masonic lodge's new, loudly touted health center, Worshipful Master Arthur Libby fell off the ladder, broke his right foot, became the center's first patient.

Dark Victory. In Brisbane, Australia, William Young was fined $33 after he flew into a rage when a streetcar passed him by, chased the car in a cab, hopped aboard, punched the conductor in the nose as he shouted: "This will teach you to wait for me!"

Lay-Away Plan. In Passaic, N.J., after being arrested for the third time for beating his wife, Allen Irving complained that his 90-day jail sentence would be a "hardship," was told by Magistrate H. Dick Cohen: "We'll make an exception in your case; you can come to jail every Saturday night and stay until Sunday night--for [a total of] 90 days."

Haughtyculturist. In Gerrard's Cross, England, outraged when he found four of his favorite rhododendron bushes missing, Fernley F. Parker chained the remaining five to a nearby oak tree, put up a sign in red crayon: "The person who has now stolen four of my special rhododendrons from here is a despicable coward and thief."

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