Brake with Tradition. In Cheviot, Ohio, Matthew Fames was officially informed that his excuse was "first class original" after he was arraigned for passing a red light, testified: "I just bought this car, and I didn't want to step on the brakes too hard."

Persuader. In Milwaukee, after he shot himself in the backside with a pistol he drew from his hip pocket during a card game, Calvin Richardson was charged with carrying a concealed weapon, explained to police that he only had the thing on him for collateral in case he lost and had to float a small loan.

A Man Scorned. In Taipei, Formosa, after a pretty neighbor turned down his marriage proposal, Tai Chih-yun, 39, got a six-year jail sentence for biting off the tip of her nose.

The Nervous Type. In Chicago, fined $675 for 80-m.p.h. speeding, reckless driving and running through eleven red lights, Manuel Palide, 22, told Traffic Court Judge Alfonso Wells: "I must have been excited."

Appointed Rounds. In Atlanta, Postman Walter A. Smith entered the Lutheran Church of the Redeemer, tiptoed up to the Rev. Charles Anders and handed him a special-delivery letter in the middle of a sermon, later explained when reprimanded: "I looked in and saw he wasn't praying."

Wholesaler. In Westmorland, Calif., after they decided to add a motorcycle cop to the force, town councilmen approached Merill Miller to buy his machine, were forced to give him the job when he threatened not to sell.

Recipe. In Providence, police looked for the vandals who broke into the Homestead Baking Co., dumped 1,500 Ibs. of sugar and 1,500 Ibs. of flour on the floor, mixed the mess carefully with 50 gallons of salad oil and a case and a half of soft drinks.

A Woman's Heart. In Milwaukee, Mrs. Marie Bottrell, 45, picked up a license to marry Jerry L. Clark, 58, changed her mind and returned later in the afternoon to get another license to marry 36-year-old Alfred J. Eggleston, changed her mind again and married Clark.

Conditional Reflex. In Los Angeles, Mrs. Antoinette B. Grant, 29, got a divorce after testifying that her husband, Psychiatrist Henry J. Grant, 43, continually compared her to his worst patients.

Summa cum Laude. In Rome, Aristide Egidi, 47, was arrested for posing as a physician when police learned that his elegant, Greek-written diploma was an oldtime letter of recommendation after his work as a chauffeur in the Greek embassy.

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