Deal's Off. In Beckley, W. Va., Moonshiner Major Lilly hailed a truck belonging to another home whisky brewer, wondered aloud if the driver's boss would be interested in a profitable business merger, was arrested on the spot by the driver, a Treasury agent, who was taking the truck to town to impound it.

Testing. In Lake Geneva, Wis., red-faced Police Chief Melvin Swance admitted that thieves had sneaked into the city council's chambers, about 50 ft. from police headquarters, found the safe wide open, robbed it of $160 in nickels collected from city parking meters.

Father of the Bride. In Rajgoh, India, after he told startled Knichlipur Hospital officials that the seven-month-old baby he carried in was his wife, Karan Singh, 30, owned up that after he purchased the child from her mother he decided on a marriage of convenience, explained: "It's cheaper to marry her myself than pay her wedding dowry when she grows up."

Ounce of Prevention. In Athens, Tenn., asked by police why he chained his wife to the bed during the night after he made her work the fields all day. Farmer Lee McDowell, 46, explained gloomily: "I thought she'd get snake-bit."

Sweet Sorrow. In Blackpool, England, Brian Winter was fined -L-5 ($14) after he got into an argument with Gas Station Owner Ernest Wicks, slugged him on the head with a souvenir he had bought at a nearby shop--a stick of candy a yard long and four inches thick.

Never Call Retreat. In Helena, Mont. charged with shooting a bear out of season, Willis Kroll at first claimed self-defense, changed his plea and was fined $52.50 when Game Warden William Eckerson testified that the animal had been potted in the tail.

Time After Time. In Milwaukee, arrested for smashing a jewelry store display window and stealing five watches three weeks after serving a term for committing the same crime in 1953, David W. Griffus, 28, told police: "I thought I could succeed this time."

O Pioneer! In Newcastle, England, after a football game, George Grahamslaw, 67, missed the chartered bus that was to have taken him 165 miles to his home, walked the entire distance in four days, commented on his return: "I like to be independent."

Accounting. In Hamamatsu, Japan, police arrested Bank Clerk Mrs. Toshie Suzuki after she left a note for bank officials: "I took 1,000,000 yen [$2,778] from the vault, but felt that this was much too much for me, and I herewith return 200,000."

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