Man, You Goofed. In Chicago, after a federal agent had spent six months talking bop language to win his confidence before arresting him as a narcotics peddler, Willie Hill, 32, commented: "I'm real down. Here I thought that cat was the coolest. He turned out to be nowhere."

Understatement. In Detroit, police charged Mrs. Asenath V. Brown with reckless driving after she 1) smashed into the last of four cars stopped for a red light, causing a chain collision, 2) swung around through a red light, 3) went over the curb and struck a 15-year-old boy, 4) carried him draped over the fender through the plate-glass window of a drug store, 5) smashed into the merchandise, showering a clerk with glass.

Place aux Dames. In Indianapolis, announcing a beauty contest to choose an Indiana "Air Princess," the U.S. Air Force informed candidates that "All entries become the property of the judges."

Schizophrenia. In Akron, Personnel Counselor Mrs. Dorothy Burke, 46, was charged with passing a bad check, despite her on-the-spot psychoanalytical reading of police, who won her professional verdict as 1) basically kind, 2) gruff outside, but with a heart of gold.

Voter's Choice. In Wibaux, Mont., denied the chance to vote because his name was not on the voters' list, W. L. Hammond testily halted the election by marching off with the ballot box.

Border Incident. In Greenville, Miss., when James Martin discovered that his neighbor's garage extended 4 ft. over land on which he was building a fence, he kicked two holes in the garage, built the fence through it.

Something for the Road. In Largo, Fla., Thomas J. Gilmore, 44, escaped from Prison Camp 8515 with two of the camp's four bloodhounds, its auto, the superintendent's pistol, shirt and pants.

Beacon. In Milwaukee, Salesman Jerome Keller, 41, caught speeding by police radar, drove his car to the edge of the trap, waved down approaching speeders until the frustrated cops packed up their equipment and went elsewhere.

Woman's Best Friend. In Pittsburgh, unable to pay a $10 fine for disorderly conduct in attempting to rescue his dog from the dogcatcher, Carmen Traficanti spent the night in jail after his wife appeared, bailed out the dog.

Local Habitation. In Launceston, Australia, complaining that "people give me curious glances when I tell them my address," a farmer petitioned the district council to change the name of his district from Nowhere Else to Somewhere Else.

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