Vigilante. In Columbus, Ohio, when Harry Hilton, 34, called to complain that two police cruisers were wasting their time "loitering" in his neighborhood, suspicious police looked up his name, sent one of the cruisers to arrest him on an old armed-robbery warrant.

Psychosomatic. In Hamilton, Ont., Alfred Henderson, visiting his wife as she was about to undergo an appendectomy, complained of feeling ill, was examined by doctors, had his own appendix removed 30 minutes after his wife's.

Front. In San Francisco, gambling-joint proprietors asked raiding police to pull their patrol wagons to the sides and rear of the building because their appearance out front would "give the place a bad name."

Loser Take All. In Marlboro, Md., Truck Driver John Sanford Jr., 33, was arrested for doing 50 m.p.h. in a 35-m.p.h. zone, was then charged with impeding traffic when he refused to drive more than 30 m.p.h. in a 50-m.p.h. zone on his way to the police station.

Robin Hood. In London, Gerald Bolitho was sentenced to 21 months in jail despite his plea that in stealing a rare manuscript from the British Museum he did the museum a good turn, "because I have shown up a defect in their system."

Compromise. In Chicago, Michael Korzen, 42, complained in divorce court that his wife's weight had increased from 127 to 190 lbs., asked that she reduce to 125 lbs., agreed, after the-judge suggested that he was asking too much, to take her back at 140 lbs.

Self-lncrimination. In Kitchener, Ont., City Hall Employee Edward Beitz pleaded with passersby for an hour before someone finally released him from a parked police patrol wagon into which he had accidentally locked himself.

Double Switch. In Dallas, a thief stole $290 from work clothes in a locker room, changed into a pair of stolen trousers, left the loot in his discarded pants.

Right Behind You. In Buffalo, when strapping Charles Schutt, 16, arraigned on a petty-larceny charge, threatened to strike back if his father tried to discipline him. Judge James B. McKenna advised the father: "If he fights back, knock his teeth out. The law will protect you."

Power of Positive Suggestion. In Los Angeles, arresting Printer Glenard E. Schmidt for masterminding a gang that tried to pass $350,000 in phony $20 bills, Secret Service men found in his auto a picture of a man industriously turning out $20 bills captioned: "Counterfeiters? No, but our presses can make money for you."

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