Letter Perfect. In Omaha, when officials of the Air Force Association's annual convention ordered 51 signs bearing the names of the 48 states plus the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and Hawaii, the sign painter delivered 51 signs, each neatly lettered: "The Forty-Eight States, plus the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and Hawaii."

Spice of Life. In Emeryville, Calif., Patrolman Leo Neuberger, rebuked for riding in his patrol car 20 blocks away from his beat, explained to superiors: "This town is so small you get tired going around in circles."

What'll You Have? In Milwaukee, Carlton G. Doschuetz, 27, convicted of breaking into a railroad boxcar and stealing two cases of beer, said he didn't care much for himself, just wanted to keep a supply on hand for guests.

Hot Seat. In North Sacramento, Calif., James H. Stafford, after ramming the back of another car, won a dismissal of the careless driving charge when he testified that a lighted cigarette had set his pants on fire.

Bargain Basement. In Cincinnati, Wedding Belles Inc. advertised in the American Israelite: "Just for you--we offer the largest selection of wedding gowns (and veils) in the Midwest. Gowns from $49.50 to $250! Bridesmaids as low as $25!"

Not Without Honor. In Phoenix, Ariz., Charles Rockwell, chairman of the Governor's Traffic Safety Committee and sparkplug of a campaign against traffic violators and speeders, had his license revoked for eight driving violations, including two for speeding.

Staff of Life. In Kaiserslautern, Germany, a U.S. court-martial sentenced Army Mess Sergeant Leslie C.Keith to six months at hard labor after he took out his spite against his superior, Master Sergeant J.G. Spicer, by baking a batch of bread loaded with nails, bolts, bottles and light bulbs.

Cheese It, the Cops. In National City, Calif., Mrs. Mary W. Kresky, charged with stealing 63-c-worth of cheese from a grocer, was acquitted after the evidence disappeared from the town's mouse-infested police headquarters.

Triple Threat. In St. Louis, in three robbery attempts in one month, John Wisdom Wallace 1) tried to hold up a grill with a toy pistol, fled empty-handed when a waitress threw a glass of water at him; 2) tried to rob a confectionery, fled empty-handed when the proprietor shot at him; 3) tried to hold up another confectionery, was tackled by 74-year-old Owner Arnold Barnes, who sat on Wallace until the police arrived.

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