The Volunteer. In Ukiah, Calif., Hitchhiker Richard Jacobs showed up at police headquarters with dazed Motorist Shirley Cork, explained that because he suspected Cork of drunkenness, he had "popped him on the head," taken over the driving.

Just Us Historians. In Akron, police raided a null room, inside found two chairs, a bed, a table, a dresser, three pairs of dice, twelve decks of cards, one bottle of gin and 23 men who explained that they had gathered "to discuss current events."

Expiration Date. In Graham, N.C., Register of Deeds J. G. Tingen received a year-old marriage license in the mail with a note: "I'm sorry to have to send this paper back, but I have been stood up . . ."

Box Score. In Trenton, N.J., suing for divorce, Mrs. Patricia Schauer charged that her husband Henry beat her whenever the New York Yankees lost a game.

The Fall of Valor. In Jacksonville, county officials welcomed Harley Knight, 37, after he drove all the way from Durham, N.C. to answer a stolen-car charge, then learned that he had stolen another auto to make the trip.

For Your Information. In Casino, Australia, after trying in vain to dynamite an office safe in the Northern Cooperative Meatworks, the thieves gave up, left behind a note for the management: "DANGER, unexploded charge in bottom keyhole."

Cooled. In Appleton, Wis., charged with selling adulterated milk, Dairyman Vernon Ferron explained that he had "just put a couple of quarts of water in to cool the milk," paid a $25 fine.

Travel Orders. In Cincinnati, a bandit held up Thomas Kane, relieved him of $26, handed him a quarter and advised: "Take a bus home."

Just Wait. In Buffalo, the county board of supervisors got a letter from Alfred E. Wamsley protesting payment of a $9 sales tax on a funeral bill: "I think it is an outrage ... I know St. Peter won't like it."

The Dispossessed. In Salisbury, MdM seeking compensation, Motorist Lester Brittingham reported to the State Farm Insurance Co. that his parked auto had been severely bitten on the fender by a horse, won a $5 settlement.

Planned Economy. In San Leandro, Calif., after police stopped their car, two 15-year-old boys explained that they were heading for Mexico with $17, a bar of soap, a candle, an alarm clock, a bottle of whisky and a loaded 7.65-mm. pistol "for holdups when we run out of money."

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