A calendar of the triumphs, defeats and contortions of the human spirit during 1953:

JANUARY--Checkup. In Toledo, Ohio, shortly after ten men broke out of the Lucas County jail, a man phoned and asked: "Sheriff, has they caught any of us boys yet?"

FEBRUARY--Property Right. In Lewes, England, dismissing assault charges against Norman Hyde, who had slugged a fellow pub patron for trying to down his beer, a judge ruled that "drinking another man's beer is the unforgivable sin."

MARCH--Premieere. In Lowell, Mass., Lightweight Neil King, making his boxing debut, hopped nimbly into the ring, tossed off his robe, discovered he had forgotten his trunks.

APRIL--Bon Voyage. In St. Peter," Minn., the weekly Herald ran a classified ad: "WANTED: Man to handle dynamite. Must be prepared to travel unexpectedly."

MAY--Welcome Home. In Brisbane, Australia, a court ruled that William Marsden was justified in thrashing his nine-year-old son Ian Charles with a stick after the boy announced his father's return from work by shouting: "Here comes Old Baldy!"

JUNE--Sinner in Our Midst. In Fort Worth, while the Rev. Arizona Brisco, assistant pastor of the Rising Star Baptist Church, was waist-deep in the crowded baptismal pool, a thief made off with his trousers, wallet, $81.

JULY--Die Lorelei. In Middletown, Conn., asked why he took a plunge into the Connecticut River, William Hartman told police: "Mermaids called me. Gosh, they were beautiful."

AUGUST--Voice of Experience. In New Bern, N.C., applying for a marriage license, Alec Ogburn gave his age--111--and that of his bride-to-be--22--and told the wide-eyed clerk: "Don't laugh at me, lady ... If I don't get along with her, I reckon I can get rid of her."

SEPTEMBER--Never Give Up. In Denver, suing a dance studio for $2,610, Mrs. Murrell Selby Collins, 52, charged breach of contract, testified that after 260 lessons an instructor had called her "a silly old fool who would never learn to dance."

OCTOBER--Defense Exhibit. In Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, on trial for forging a check for 10,500 pesos, Prisoner Dario Ramos listened to the prosecutor's charges, then grabbed and swallowed the check, ending the trial.

NOVEMBER--Main Event. In Port Angeles, Wash., the state liquor board ordered the M & C Tavern to remove a sign hanging on the bar: "We don't have TV here, but we have a fight every night."

DECEMBER--Dangerous When Wet.

In Inglewood, Calif., suing Hartfield's department store, Patricia Muncy, 29, charged that her bathing suit had turned transparent when wet, leaving her "exposed to public gaze and ridicule," asked $10,000 to compensate for "shock" and a $10.53 refund for the bathing suit.

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