The Moral. In Limoges, France, after telling the court that his drunkenness had been encouraged by wine advertisements on matchboxes, Leon Seigneurin, 49, was nevertheless fined and jailed, and told by the judge: "Next time, get a lighter."

Literal Translation. In Ukiah, Calif., after telling police that she had "swallowed poison," Geraldine King was rushed to the hospital, where doctors gave her an emetic before she confessed that all she had done was drink 16 Martinis.

Grounds. In Milwaukee, John Hoffman, 72, filing for divorce, charged that his wife Theresa 1) told him not to "hang around" the house, 2) remarked that she "could" poison him, 3) cut his weekly allowance from $1.50 to $1.

The Expert. In Akron, Ohio, arrested for taking $20 from a woman, Walt Chermin told the court: "I wanted it as an excuse to have another date with her," added that he always felt it wise, in dealing with women, "to have something to hold over their heads."

Roger. In Chicago, the day after a thief stole his 37 prize homing pigeons, Fred Semro was happy to find that seven of the birds had returned, then read a note attached to one pigeon's leg: "You'll never see the rest again."

Headline Hunter. In Columbus, Ohio, indicted for arson, Railroad Employee Lawrence Pepper told officials that he set fire to 27 autos in ten days because "I like excitement and . . . like to read about it."

The Literary Life. In Milwaukee, Mrs. Eleanor Trier told officials that she had stolen a jacket, steam iron, and skirt from a department store only because a stranger had asked her to do "research" for a book on shoplifting, promised to mention her name in the book.

Out Our Way. In Hamilton, Ohio, filing a damage suit for $35,000, Mrs. Florence H. Wollford claimed that her neighbor Ada Krebs had 1) poured hot grease on her rosebushes, 2) covered her newly painted garage with crayon marks, 3) placed a hose in such a way that water threatened to undermine her house.

Of a Different Color. In Paris, police charged 18 slaughterhouse workers with stealing 20 million francs' ($57,142) worth of fats from the horses they slaughtered, selling it to soap factories, using the money to bet on the races.

Birds of a Feather. In New Orleans, Seaman Ernest McDade was arrested after he walked into a dime store, freed four canaries and nine parakeets from their cages, saying: "Come on out . . . I was in jail once. I know how you feel."

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